down


tuition was as usual
first time ever time flew faster than usual
i did a physics paper
studied and talked with tes
her love with darren is so sweet
its intoxicating
and i wonder if i'll ever be in her situation

oh well
i suppose it wouldnt be awhile
becuz its real this time
i cant feel a thing

whats wrong man
i was so hyped before tuition
i feel totally :l now
its like a cycle
isit a sign to show im losing to my insonmia tonight again


im sorry les
my moodswings are getting out of hand
these nights
thanks for being here
dagna too(: rehlly appreciate it

i want god to stay by me
becuz i wanna start studying for real
i hope its not too late
and i believe i can do it

thomas you sure is one funny dude huh
im not bothered by that silly
i didnt write her name
she didnt write my name
who cares?
dont you dare do anything alright
meet up soon then(:
and yes you'r the biggest in tpy
and im made to type that sentence above

yeah im just stressed out


and im disgusted
with the behaviour of certain
it happened once
and i killed the second time
get away from me
you liar and much more worse

gotta stop frowning
stop fretting
and make it possible
i can do it

10:47 PM

hey all
sch was not bad today
was on the way home when i got informed
someone blogged bout me

haha
they thought i was gonna resort to violence
no way!
i almost though
but i didnt:D arent you proud chester?
i bet you would thought i hit her too
i didnt eh!

well i didnt mention names man
but she wrote her own name in?
and i got perfect eyesight i dont need thick glasses
thanks for your concern(:
i didnt call my class lousy
dont put words in my mouth(:
you want me to take a look in my mirror?
i dont mind, im vain(:
its up to you to think you'r way better than me
im glad you dont need to see a shrink for confidence boosting(:

see you tmr my fr
you can go call whatever gang you'r in
im sorry if you were expecting me to get a gang to find you
im not childish
and i wouldnt want a classmate
to be reported missing isnt it?(:


came home bathe went to find les
went greatworld
he managed to get a bear out of the machine
haha its rehlly kewt though
went for ice cream
kaz came then they walked me home


oh did i mention i told les
he laughed his ass off
anyone heard tpy got gang hang out in blk 79
the older ones?
kaz laughed also all the way
i did told him not to do anything
its mean to bully a classmate kaz(:
i dont want to be called a bully(:

anw we'r just going about
seeing what will happen next
yay me(:


and i flunk chem test
and geog test i bet

tuition later :S




plus marsion cried just now
i couldnt even concentrated
but pulled it off to mr ng that i was tired
i'll pray for her
the pain wouldnt go
but at least i hope it lessens

5:50 PM

another bad day




it seems like bad days are my monsoon this season
school was as usual
kinda touched by a fr's concern
cracked up with the clique in canteen
laughters only come out when they'r around now


bused home
left my earpiece at home again
zonked out
desperate to get away from everything


lastly no im not straying away from the straight path

its so tiring
to go through the same cycle almost everyday
i miss the clique
the days with them
was like getting trapped in a maze
you never knew what fun was shooting your way


anw i was quite annoyed with her today
someone i know that knows bout it
told me lotsa water could make it better
i merely wanted to tell you when i went up to you
but you was too occupied showing your new stuff
you know yourself
they arent real
do you even rmb?
that very day when you were closed to tear
you poured out what you heard them sayig bout you
i had to console you yet control from making you more hurt
i wouldnt ever wanna hurt you further
and from then, we were always there for each other
till he came into my sight
for him i neglected you
and when i lost him, i lost you

things changed
clocks chimed

you told me another part of your life
i was there when it started
and here now watching the attack of side effects

in my eyes i see
the ones around you unbothered
when im frowning worried bout you
they'r laughing away

they.only.want.your.things.

i rehlly cant care much
im just gonna stay behind
becuz

you'r my sister

and sorry to say les
the cheerleader you know is dead
the hypes are lost in her
and im not vice captain anymore
dont expect a show

11:27 PM

oh well


today started out gloomy
marsion called way early in the mornin
she told me the secret
and i dropped whatever i'd held in my hand
i had to sit back on my bed for support
i was speechless
and i knew
the cause of it
1% of more could had very well be the side effects

school was as usual
class was peaceful, quiet
and i was quite pleased
i pass my physics test
it wasnt very high marks
but it was higher than the certain usual good ones
and i passed my maths test as well

and im gonna flunk my chem test
becuz i invented my own formula and drawings
again.

and i hurt my wrist during P.E
it hurts now
but i didnt mind
afterall i was desperate to play a game under the sun
i love the games of the outdoors


bused home with hazel
talked alot as usual(:

went library in the evening
borrowed some books to kill boredom
les met me for like 10 mins
chose some books for lil leon
then pa sent me home

im tired
exhausted

and im worried
roy's frs got into some shiat
i aint gonna want his ass to be busted as well
i hope he's mature enough
not to be involved when its not his problem


hey chester
i dont know where you are now
what you'r doing
auntie refuses to tell me anything
i miss you like rehlly bad
i havent forgotten one bit of the clique
things arent as smooth like before in my life
i was so reliant on you
you'r my bestfr
and now im on my own
i rehlly do miss you bad
and im gonna stay up to the promise i made
i'll not ruin my own path


im eyeing this hoodie rehlly bad
it means alot

11:01 PM

rawr


was on the phone with leooo till 2
couldnt even pull myself outta my bed
school was fine
haha after sch went to find leslie
he was sitting at starbux
i RAWR in his ear
his fork dropped
ahahahaha i couldnt stop laughing

didnt give a shit that i was in uniform
leslie reminded me that i was still in sch U
serious i dont give a damn already
we sat there laughing non stop
played with the sugar and milk
then went to macs for ice cream

he went to cyrus to meet the rest
i walked home
fell aslp while doing homework

today's a new start
oh and i studied for my chem test tmr ^^

haha im quite happy today(:
thanks les i havent laughed so hard for awhile
thanks clemmm for the song
im obsessed with it
and there's a new dog staying over my hse


i used to be Love Drunk

zapple in hand

11:17 PM

hie


today was okay i suppose
though morning turned out to be quite chaotic
and i wore my hoodie in cyrus
prevent any disturbance from strangers

home with the boys
immediately they dota again
played kendrick's psp
fell aslp on mummy's bed

skated to get dinner for roy
met up with leslie for awhile
he cut his hair
haha idiot

and heard that kazzie lost his phone again
no wonder he never call me
idiot

anw its a start of another week again tmr
:S
i do miss the clique badly still
i hope chester can feel im doing fine
not fine without them
but trying to stay strong
we got telepathy huh bestfr


alright
there's another puppy coming my hse tmr
my hse become puppy hotel alr

anw im rather contented
with a drop of happiness
im looking forward to a new week
and im gonna make it better

im gonna study hard
and wait for national day
thats the day im gonna skate with the clan again
so all weekends before prelims
=
studying
with exception of family gathering


but i do
10 mins meet ups with certain
most frequent one is of course
kazzie and the boys

alright
i can totally do it
cuz i lived through the horror

10:50 PM

hie

last night played upwords with the boys

formed all the stupid words

different themes

but our best was obscene words

haha we linked all

okay randomxz

i was rehlly down last night

but the idiots totally made me crack

slept around 2 plus

kena woke up at 7

followed them to lan

so im at cyrus now with them

nth much to do

tried playing audi

looks like im not cut out to be a lian

cuz i cant press fast enough

they dota-ing now

waiting to L4D

repeats non stop

you can do it

dont let anything affect you

yeah michie you can definetly do it

10:39 AM

:(

annoyingly
its another bad day, today
2 in a row oreadi
:(


i had lunch with bernardette at bugis
upon reaching saw him with 2 chaoahbengs
called courtney and ask if she wanna join
and his fr was shock why i call him bernardette
haha too used to it alr
besides calling him bernard now sounds veh weird


we had pasta mania
his frs left
i was kinda down and stuff
but he rehlly powerful, made me laugh alot
thanks bud(:
went over to his hse to slack
cuz we found it too hot to walk about
watched my jap show on his laptop
ended up feeling more sad cuz it was last episode
then i fell aslp while reading bleach
plus i slept at 3 ystd night :S

went out with mummy and papa for dinner
roy went out with his frs :S
and we went mt faber
but alot of couples
and totally mumy and pa were in their own world
i felt so pathetic on my own
:(

went to get my hot fudge sundae aftwards
and im not meeting gab and beth tmr:(
they wanna go watch movie
nehmind i study at home luh
lesliegoh found work
so no more slacking about:(

see michie
told you that you cant rely on them for long
see larh
now isnt it back to before
have to get used to being on your own again
better get used to it
its not a choice not to

sezriousllly
i feel rehlly pathetic
becuz mummy and pa are aslp
roy and his frs went to lan just came back
dont know what they doing in the room now also
shld be they gonna ton tonight

i dont feel like slping
i got no one to talk to
i feel rehlly sad for myself :(
but i wouldnt cry

12:02 AM

bad day



totally bad day
school ended at 10.30 cuz speech day
cabbed to tiong
saw jeremy and bruce!!!
went to ganengseng saw shisheng
freaking hilarious he bought me food
he recess walk over to tiong to buy food
and i witnessed 2 idiots pon sch go lan
and darren and marcus climbing over
kewl skool

went over to outram
waited for colleen
turned out saw so many lians :S
leoooo came out for awhile
but colleen rushing so didnt talk to him

went back to tiong to meet tes and diana
then cabbed back to sch

was rather disappointed
should i say annoyed or saddening

oral was a flop
so much for being good in chinese
i stuttered cuz i was nervous
idiot me

skate got cancelled
i came home
had a fight with mummy
why cant she be more understanding
i cried
she called me to go die
i left the house in skates
and skated my heart out

i did felt slight better after that
becuz smth amazing happened

anw i wanna thank god
for letting me know this 3 rehlly nice friends
kim nicole and hazel(:

today seems to be a rehlly bad day

and my eyes are hurting cuz i cried
maybe insonmia wouldnt attack me tonight
and there's no remedials tmr
finally

tmr better be a better day


oh did i mention
i was so sad
and i most probably didnt know what i was doing
i went to buy breezer
and the 7-11 uncle didnt even checked my ID
-.-
he just couldnt be bothered
becuz i seriously dont look 18
more like 13

how awesome huh my life

1:06 AM

nooooooooo



i refuse to admit to tes's sayings
mere infatuation
what like dont like
dont have such things
me is dont like!!!!
haha cnt play ppl who has girlfr
later i get bolt by lighting


tuition as usual boring
leslie called on the way home
haha he want go double date shopping
with beth and gab on sun
sorry my dear
i only double date with a real boyfr
and the last double date i did was chester's
he and viviene and he's my best fr
so i pulled lex along as a *date
marks the fullstop in your face leslie goldfish


okay broke record
i smiled alot today
rehlly rare
and tmr will be fun i suppose


sometimes when you wait
it never comes
and when you give up
thats when it comes

im neither now

10:52 PM

an extra rare day, today




was on the phone with marsions ystd
insane marsions said she's a virginity virgin
i couldnt stop laughing

and lex called at night too
seriously
i couldnt give a shit bout you anymore
im not your toilet bowl
know what
its gonna take me awhile
before im ready to talk to you
so for the time being, bye.

and i went to sch
class was quiet
cuz alot of ppl never come
monsie also!
maths test :s

after school went over to greatworld for awhile
les was with this 2 weird guys
yeah i know i cant stand my uniform myself either
but they didnt have to poke fun continuously
whatever i told les, today is a happy day
and its rare becuz i actually smiled alot today
and im not gonna let the idiots spoil my day
so i smiled and walked home myself

im happy cuz bernardette is bringing me out on sat
and meeting bethany for shoppig on sunday ^^
and im not gonna use com later
so im blogging now


quite a weird day, today also
i had gastric just now
was hopping about the house in pain
then i went to lie down on the sofa
and yup i fell aslp
okay retard me


tmr will be fun
gonna go tiong park to SWING
with LC
gawd i miss hanging out with her

im missing the clique veh much still
chester domic hunwei mathew peiling

6:14 PM

hie
haha les said i was krazy
cuz i blogged before going to sch
yeah i think so too

anw sch was as usual
i jacked ppl
^^V
physics test, mere pass i suppose

finished sch
lunch with kazzieeee
he sure kena sacked soon one
he wore a top out
from the store he sells clothes in
wtf right
yeah thats what my response was when he told me


then i bused home
there's a funeral around the area
its a young dude's
he had many frs there
like those 18 19 20 yr old dudes
and with their Subaru and bikes around
that kind

so i was listening to my music and walking past
when one turned the rest turned
i was like ohhhkayyyy
i must be walking past too slow
so i sped up
and this freaking nerd behind me sped up also
gross

and im not suppose to be online now
tmr got maths test
ah chek clement owes me ANOTHER ice cream
if i pass the test
gab too ^^
just pass also pass what
haha but i promise i'll do my best

shld i cut bangs and reborn only the bangs?
haha idk man
leon say i'll look nice
thanks kiddo
i swear you look 7 but your mind's like what 15 16?
must be your big brudder's fault
see this leslie?
your fault man


dwn L4D
but only can play with computer
no kick onee

okay im going off
to fight war with my insonmia
bye/

11:15 PM

insanity hits once more



totally i shouldnt be blogging now
insanity is getting back at me
too much k5
too much glue
too much alcohol
of the past
half my brain's screwed

but im gonna train my brain
and i know i can do it


urghhh its raining
and im gonna get ready for my shit school now
bye

6:17 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
ROYSTEN TENG
my real blood brudder

look at my stupid smile




yup today is roy's birthday
his frs bought him stuff
i made him a card
and agreed to buy him any tops he like
and comic books

school was boring as usual
talked to monsie
i miss her
the real her
i hate to see her like this

and rini, i hope she wise up totally
its seriously over the limit
going off with ppl you barely know?
rini, the word desperado aint there for a meaning
you'r my fr
i dont like ppl calling you a sluttish girl alright
wake up!

and friday ending sch early
planned to go skate
but got oral
effed up

had lunch with les and leon today
greatworldcity
im just so tired
sick of being this tired
its nothing wrong les,
there's just nth much to say you know
its got nothing to do with you

im just going through alot now

did i say maths lesson today
i asked frs around
becuz i know asking the teacher
will never be the same like the past
she. marked. me.

i realise rehlly im different
i dont speak much
i dont feel hyped
i should stop wanting to hang out in big groups
i may be desperate for secureness
and i find it in big groups
but the clique's gone
i dont see a point anymore
its a chance to learn to be on my own
or just kill the uncomfortable i have for double person trips


i miss the clique
utterly longing for them


im surprised kazzie used a word
i thought chaoahbeng didnt know english
he said one word
solitude.


its okay
i can do it
i must

11:36 PM

lights out



i finished my coursework last night
at 1.30
instead of the expected zonking out
my insonmia attacked me till 3


woke up today
real screwed
was late
wanted to cab but in the end didnt
saw someone on the bus
screwed hair
screwed day in sch


hie teacher
this post is specially for you

thanks for being nice to me for the half of this year
i realised i could do maths
thanks for teaching me when i needed help
i found out hey first time im able to do maths
and im actually willing to try

thanks for scolding me today
the whole class when quiet when you shouted
thanks for making me feel so embarassed
thanks for letting the whole class witness the scolding
thanks for shouting at me
and for those words you said
they were attached with blades

and i felt humilated
i had the tears of fury
but i pushed them back
i wanted to dig a hole and hide badly

teacher, thanks
you killed my interest of maths

teacher did you only went to read the files last night?
counted every single black record of mine?
read them as a bedtime story?
or you chose not to believe what i am like in sch anymore?
havent i been a good kid?
i havent got into any trouble this year
with studies nor with teachers

im not the worst student in class
there were fucking 2 idiots beside me
speaking in hokkien
and one of them always pon sch

thanks teacher
and thank you fr
i doubt i be sitting beside you anymore
and dont call out to me anymore
i dont wanna listen to your never ending stories

and i cabbed home
i spaced out
leslie's working with kazzie
they told me to be strong
hell yes i will

and im going to show you teacher
im no nobody


i had a really bad day today

its roy's birthday tmr
i hope you have a great day brudder


i need a better day tmr

im stopping alcohol for awhile
i can return to my swinging in the park
i believe i'll feel better
alcohol adds on to the emotions each time


god bring me a biker boyfr
i wanna sit on his bike and feel the wind
cutting my wrist


a better tmr please

11:01 PM

emptaye

well i had a shuper dinner with the relatives
went over to aunt's new place
from mansion to bungalow
then now sadly, HDB
but its kewl

ate fast and left early
went over to les's crib
kazzie and co all there
but there were no bots spotted
liars
they drank before i reached
so much for telling me still got alil bit left

forced kazzie to go buy
he went tiong's 7-11 and got me breezers
idiot
and so i wasnt drunk
but i seemed drunk
i was holding the bot and venting to everyone

the clique
and lexeoustan
i cried
and eric suggested i talk it out with him
so i used the com and talked to him
we talked alot
and i couldnt stop crying

i admitted i relied on him
that i see someonebody else in him
only at times
and he admitted he was overly rash
and so its over
and i suggested it
we shld time out on our frship


i fucking cried like some idiot
and auntie thought the boys bullied me
i was rehlly over emotional
everything's just coming down hard on me
its hard to breathe
but im glad i have kazzie and the rest
thanks for being there peepos

i went to wash up after drinking
and when i came out of the toilet
there were 2 plastic bag outside
turned out kazzie and les
had REWARDED me smth
becuz i passed my maths test!
a mini skirt from kazzie -.- bastard
and high waish shorts from les ^^
haha i laughed finally at last

the boys brought me home
and i gave a bear hug to each of them
becuz they deserve it
for listening to my rants
and being there


so im now confirmed
single
and i no longer have to vex over a long r/s

its just studies and the waiting for cliques release
i totally need to be strong
today is another big step out again

yeh i can do it



i cant wait for the partying
right after Ns

12:12 AM

liars



i zonk out again last night
insonmia didnt even have a chance at me
i loved it
i didnt have to think before i pass out
it was total black once eyes are closed

i woke up late
rushed to school
only noticed my hair was not tied on the way
urghh no small rubber band only a big one
did compo and letter writing
walked to macs myself after that

i swear i look shuper pathetic
when i was eating at queenstown bus stop
while waiting for the king to come
seriously leslie took almost half an hour man
and i rewarded him my frown

he brought me the money kazzie owed me
and bused home with me
i complaint alot to him
and almost cried cuz i was over emotional

i feel so alone
when im alone
i dont feel this way in the past
becuz i dont have them now

kazzie joel said i grew prettier
whats the point
i dont have the clique to dress me better
i have a what do you even call that
long distance relationship not?
i dont even know my status
single or not available
for shit man
i might as well be only pretty on the inside


im desperate for the clique's release
and i kinda made a pact to myself
that i be staying positive and smiling as much as i can
which everybody knows i dont smile much
and so what if i look nicer when i smile
i rehlly dont feel happy today

i feel like drinking
i havent touched a drop of vodka for awhile
its time for another puddle

tonight
dinner with relatives
a bbq
to down it all down

so why dont you answer me
are you my
BOYFR
or
BESTFR

3:53 PM

this post's for ystd


woah was too tired ystd
i zonk out instantly on my bed
i stayed up to do my coursework
had a test in tuition not really hard but yeah

this post is for today


school as usual
after sch went com lab did my coursework
rushed home
changed etc
rushed to courtney's hse
collected my stuff
cabbed to tiong

thought i be late meeting teck kian and the boys
but they were playing in the arcade
jiaxu came!!! haha the joker
watched the movie
freaking hilarious
he kept making me laugh
i swear after the clique's leave
i havent laughed that much since
the boys were nice people
waited with me and stuff
hope to hang out with them again soon
and idiot me nvr pay teck kian back luh
wl :/

i saw someone at the foodcourt
someone that looked like ______
i felt a sudden pang of internal prick on my heart
i managed to wash my face in the toilet
and reminded myself to WAKE UP

god i miss the clique
i miss lex too
more than anything else

and im so tired
i dont even know what im talking about online
soz leslie
by the time you read this
i'll be sleeping alr
and i have sch tmr
at 8am o.m.g
kill me


tiong arcade just now
i saw alot of lians
all the same kind
that kind of shorts
the same type of bag
the shuper definite straight hair
gross

and i saw joel too
that lil kazzie grew up alr man

urgh im waiting for the download to end
okay im ending here
byeee
pigs of the world

12:12 AM

seconds of internal pain


fuck man
was on the phone with leslie
and he got veh curious abt that jackass
so wanting to act brave
i went to his page
saw the pictures
and then quite alot of the past
flowed through me
F
i SHOULDNT HAD CLICKED IT

im suppose to go for a 1 hr session of L4D
i dont feel like going alr
but maybe i should
i should freaking imagine that jackass's face
on the zombies then i shoot them until they die
okay its veh sick i know
so im not gonna do that

im gonna stay calm
finish up my work
and continue staying positive
becuz i can do it
yup
i should be able to
i think


i have tuition tonight
and am burning midnight oil
cuz im passing up my coursework by tmr


i was hyped for the L4D session
but now im fucking unhappy
becuz i caused it myself
and i cant turn to coke or ice cream
badbadbad


nehmind i should be happy
without a jackass in my life
i can do more things and better stuff

soccer after Ns
my life will be better
krazy shopping by then
i'll turn girl-lier
unstoppable skate sessions
for a rush of the wind

Ns
it be here and gone
before i know it

so will the wait for release of the clique
turn shorter

4:39 PM

PLANET A DAY!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY
AL
MARSION
SISTER
FRIEND!

SWEET SPECIAL SEXY SIXTEEN

its al's birthday today
its an annivasary for her birth
yet she's sleeping it away
still veh pig like
and i hope her orals will be fine man
both of our oral session sure screwed

feb came over after school
haha i copied some of her work
she happily reading my 17 mags
waited for bus tgt with her when she going home

scenario at the bus stop
queensway girl and a boy
both veh :S that kind
feb say thats why will attract the same kind
suddenly they fought
girl: give me my bag back now
guy refuses
girl: see you always dont listen to me one
*boy keeps quiet
girl tries to hit him

and im enjoying the scene
until feb's bus came
i past them and told the girl
go get a room or change out first
then i happily walked off

leslie was at cyrus
he came over to meet me
haha he bought me Gatorade ^^
talked awhile then e had to go home

i studied
yay me
i studied one chapter
and did some F&N work


to a friend, a sister, an alien
happy birthday!
16 alr uh
a year older better be wiser
i hope you remember all the laughter only we have shared
it is to remind you how unique you are
and that you can never be replaced
it is to let you know
how much i appreciate you
its a thank you
for everytime you have shared a worry or tears
listened and been the only one who understood
and everytime you were there
when i had nowhere else to turn to
ILY (:

btw leooo wants me to mention this for him
Leo's spectre today has been ks-ed 20 times
his score was like 3~1~20+
drama ks man
i get no shit bout what he's saying
but i know the game's dota



and lexeoustan
you tell me what we are
really
you tell me

10:38 PM

in pain



im effing in pain
physically and emotionally
i cut my finger again
and my heart is on fire

english oral today
2 male teachers
who look more like P.E teachers
they laughed and kept smiling
its veh disturbing
becuz they were not very thin
so look abit like spasm
esp when one of them eyed me
cuz i ran out of words for a sec at the picture

came home
grab the board and skated to greatworld
went to get jie's B_______
^^
freaking spent an hour there deciding which one to get
went to buy subway cookies


tied the balloon around my neck
for safety cuz i scared burst
and skated back
pa said this
you siao put behind, any joggers could had straggled you
and you wouldnt even know how you died
haha veh funny
-.-

and i tried to sit down to study but i
CANT
arghhh what the hiao is wrong with me man
my mind WANTS to study
but when i hold the pen
im doodling or writing crap


and i feel like an idiot
i told rini and andi
greatworld's the best place to go dating
cuz its quiet and there are fun shops to visit
and if i have a boyfr
i will bring him there and have a great time tgt

becuz the last time i went there
with an old boyfr
i cried there

and lex im never gonna let it all end

i didnt know what to say
what words could fill the silence
i swear
aching waves were rolling through me
until at last i hanged up
we are so not going to have such a fight again
not anymore
best buds dont fight over stupid things



alright
im still walking down the path
on my very own
and just to be known
im fine
and
im good
becuz

michie, you can do it

10:15 PM

yes i do



today sux big time man
school was annoying
and i did no work
damn me

after sch cabbed to les hse
couldnt stand being in my uni
wore his old queensway p.e
haha kazzie say gd an spoil their reputation somemore
idiots.
lunch/dinner at tiong
bused to greatworld
they max tuned
i went to watch the hamsters
^^

the boys walked me home after that
and i came home to an empty hse
did no work again
serious man exam coming but i dont feel like studying
damn me



and im fine
im good
being on my own
^^

missing lex and the clique
(L)

11:06 PM

rays of insanity shot me today



start of my day today
i had my breakfast/lunch at 12 plus
becuz i freaking managed to slp ystd
only at FOUR, 4 am
if you'r desperate to fuck smth now
fuck my insonmia
its totally free

and i studied after eating
and i realised
ystd went kino i bought useless things again
i bought pretty stuff but useless
urghhh
gotta controlll

studied till 6 plus
dinner with kazzie and the boys at greatworld
fish and co ^^
went cyrus for an hour

i told leslie bout this A*** loser
then he laugh until his pants almost drop
haha he say next time if we in town tgt
and happen to see his idiot
he will break the board
haha you sho kewt uh leslie
where you gonna get the strength from to break it huh

came home studied again
gab veh proud of me
becuz i called and told him
i finished the hw he gave me ^^


oh man
i feel like having a boyfr who wears cap
haha okay random
having one will only lead to many problemsss

i like the peekture veh much
cuz i have a habbit of doing that

and i must be krazy
cuz i just opened a can of root beer
and i dont really like it
and im reminded of chesternuts my BFF
rmb that time i told him
boy you know it taste like the mosquito cream
and he spit in out instantly and hit domic's shoes
gawd knows how much im missing you and the rest

10:49 PM

random peeture of my haircut
not much diff anw
just the waves are more obvious now that i fixed it
natural eh
no perms

11:25 PM

shuper hair-pee

yayayay
my hair waves again after the cut
met rini ernest and leslie at cine
on the way to taka
i saw jairius alan guanwen
talked to jairius
funny guy ask me where did i come from
i answer: behind you luh

went to meet ignatius and aubrey
went to kino to shop for jie's stuff
went lucky plaza to see them eat
shuper awkward cuz i didnt know what to say

went skatepark slack
saw angh's fr
he disturb me luh
saw luke wahaha he say i look nice
went cine after that
play pool
shuper retardedddd
and i won one round eh
^^V

after that we walked back to skatepark to go home
hmm could had stayed longer one but didnt
oh well its enough for today alr
while walking home kazzie called
hahah the boys walked over from cyrus
kazzie complimented me for what i wore
first time eh i was being said i look my age by him
and leslie also and i took a pic with him
haha but i think i look ugly in pics now

okay im veh veh veh happy today
i dont know why
but im just veh happy

i forgot to bring my extingisher out today
becuz i havent check the stove in me
im just afraid to find out what im afraid of

okay im a veh happy girl today
i hope whoever reading this
is shuper happy too
^^

10:58 PM

i got a new haircut ^^
from a bung


its this ultra kewl salon
inside 80% bung
hawt hawt hawt
and she/he say next time must go back trim
^^V

im not going feb hse for guitarhero and choc fondue
doubt teck kian they all going watch movie also
leslie and the boys got event at expo
so today only 2 event
1. town with ignatius the soccerboy and aubrey
2. at night meet bethany and gab ^^

jiejie suppose to celebrate her BD today
but she just say her frs cannot go
haiz im always here
if you need me
i be THERE in a call's time

hmm went sch just now for eng extra class
went macs ate a burger
i feel veh fat cuz i actually finished it

rainrainrain
i want a cool day today :(


/


urgh everyone's acting so weird now
maybe im the one who changed thats why
my cheerfulness stays longer than before
and i dont frown as much
cuz i just keep thinking repeatedly
i can do it
and i cant be brought down
or else i wouldnt have face to see the clique
when they'r released


hmm i can do it
and if later ignatius and aubrey ps me
i'll walk in town myself again
until its time to meet beth and gab
its okay
im a strong girl now
(:

12:50 PM

went to skate with pa
he walked i skate
skated all the way past ZOUK then clarke quay
woah i didnt know i live 10 mins away from ZOUK
^^
and alot of slopes i skated down
the feeling veh nice ^^
oh i used the board today
my inline the wheels abit not right

and i broke a promise with mummy luh
i say tmr onwards dont go out
but i forgot tmr cnt
so she's pissed
promise luh
last saturday out
haha really

besides i've been studying
and my mind's not that chaotic now
im reh proud of myself
and i know i can do it

11:32 PM

nothing but the truth


finally the weekend's here
school was slow today
great classroom recess with clique

lunch with leslie and the boys
kazzie is working now
becuz he's saving up for this veh ugly bag
which cost like 400 plus
if he cut down on his cigs, and dota in lan
confirm 2 weeks time can get alr
still need go work
i see how long it takes before you get sacked again
work in macs secretly eat ice cream
work in arcade let ppl play free
see how long you can tahan in the clothes store

the boys went to dota
so i came home
study alil :/

going off in 10 mins time
either skate or go shop in greatworld
yeah all by myself
how great it is to be independent

i miss the clique
effing effing miss them
every single one
chester,domic,peiling,hunwei&mathew



and i think i suck
becuz i dozed off during chem lesson
guess my dream
it was the playback of me and jon
Awesome NOT
whatever im definitely over him


later

5:39 PM

in my world
today was a bright day
it turned alil gray
then stormy now

school was okay
recess was great
lunchbox meal ^^
then finished school
rushed home
found gab sitting at the staircase
tutor-ed me for 2 frigging hours
then i fell aslp
and he left when im sleeping
^^V
hahah or i highly doubt he will stop tutoring

went for tuition
talked to tes the whole session
and my candyboys invited me to cyrus
i OBVIOUSLY CNT GO
becuz
1. school tmr
2. i dont live on the corridor e.g can climb out like eric's hse
3. i dont dota, go there stone isit


hahahahahha tmr my les partner acc me to sch
^^V

hmm some sad stuff
one fr might go in
yes my mind screams
"wtf noooooooooo not another one leaving"
so im gonna pray tonight
everything will be fine
if you believe you will be


the pain had passed
im now stronger
more sensitive
more aware
and
happier
((:


i am doing well on my own
and im happy
while im waiting for the clique's relase
my courage will be in action
(:

10:50 PM

im veh happy today


becuz i stayed awake in school today
i heeded kazzie and leslie's advice
to cure for my insomia attacks
make myself tired during the day
force yourself to stay awake in class
at night sure power zonk out on the bed
ystd i defeated it^^

came home change etc
and i straightened my hair
to give kazzie a surprise
went greatworld to find the boys
in the end he say hair lian only
clothes also not lian enough
cmi
whatever i trying for fun only
you think you v handsome trying to be towner meh
X)

arcade-ed
coke splurge
camwhore craze
bused home
and i felt my energy draining

my legs ache from the running also
:S
and im staying up tonight
to study for tmr's maths test

gab say i power sure fail one
well that will only prove you not good enough
hahaha but nevertheless
you'r the best tutor i had really
can tahan my crap ^^

i cant wait for saturday
veh excited
movies
maybe shisha
shopping
meet ups
butbut i feel like spending the whole day with each grp
but cnt cuz sat's too short a day
so must run about to places

and damn mummy say tmr dont use com
okay byeeeeee

im waiting for the clique's release(:
im sure the day will come soon

and im bring food to sch tmr
finally get to use my lunchbox lex bought ^^

10:46 PM

urgh
i shouldnt be online
but still i cant stop the temptations

school sux as usual
ran 2.4, almost died
bused with hazel ^^
bused to greatworld after that
got LC's balloon and candy
leslie and the boys came to find me
^^
and he bought me B&J

he flashed me his teeth
no more braces:(
then walked home with the idiots
but they veh nice
they could had walked over to cyrus
but they took the long way to send me

came home did a card for LC
blanked out while thinking bout inc clique
lex called for awhile :DDD
missed him quite alot

fighting spiders last episode
:(

i feel this aura or whatever
its something bothering me
isit fear i dont know
damn whats wrong with me

its the one who cannot seem to give




oh by the way
i saw one of my cousin
in town with his girlfr
and everyone in the family thinks
THINKS
he's an extremely quiet guy who has difficulties socializing
CRAP luh
he was so shock when he saw me
he dropped his girlfr's hand and walked away veh fast
and i told mummy she dont believe
whatever luh

and im veh happy
becuz i wouldnt be seen
like that
cuz im not gonna have a boyfr
now or in the time to come
becuz im not ready
stupid earthquake impact that an ex left

10:13 PM

today sux
becuz i quarrelled with kazzie
and leslie pulled my hair

i left the house alr
then daniel say dont meet
so i zonk out listening to the fall of the rain
then i decided heck i ownself go town

so i shopped
bought a dress, shirt bracelet and a book
^^

and i walked every mall
till i reach plaza sing
called him and he say he can come for dinner
so i waited for veh long
and i saw alot of ppl i know

went to macs for dinner
then we walked over to skatepark
bused home



wl im going insane soon
im not normal
i cant find the interest back for
G***S
yet im not C*****
shit me
urgh whatever
im still the same michie
yes i can do it


there's sch tmr
i think got maths test
im dead cuz i didn study
and i can wait longlong
if i want ice cream from ah chek clement
cuz he wouldnt buy if i dont pass




urge to shisha
badbadbad
its not addiction
its like just suddenly feel like
urghhhhhh


whats wrong with me

11:00 PM

urghhh
today's an aweful day
i woke up to roy playing dota
and the whole house empty
mummy papa went malaysia without even telling
wth man

and i cant rmb if i have a maths test tmr
and i need tuition from gab
urgh
and im left with a pile of clothes to keep
cuz mummy made me do while she's away
wl
and the movie time delayed
and daniel is not picking up his phone

whatever if i turn up later
and he goes MIA
i'll freaking go shopping on my own
fuck them all
stupid kazzie going dota at bugis
even leslie also choose dota
stupid boys
so much for being such a great fr huh leslie

urghhh im gonna go shop like mad
and pig out on ice cream

yeah i can do it
i'll be fine
afterall its another outing of getting used on my own

god i miss chester
i know if he's out here
he be there with a phone call's time



urgh

12:09 PM

woah i feel like screaming
esp all the vulgarities at my brudder
i have the urge to beat him
and say ihateyou in his bloody face
selfish brat.

i dont know why
i actually went church today
and agreed when leo call me go
must have been insane
we ended up like fools during the service
saw some thorns there, gross
then in the end he had to go with his aunts
so i bused off

i went plaza sing to walk myself
called teck kian he invite me go vivo
i lazy to wait
so i sat outside zone x and zonk out for awhile
then called nico
went to meet him at amk

we went library
walk talk eat
treated megan to cheese cake^^
trained home to change

went over to eric's place
cuz kazzie they all say tonight open bottle
happily reach there
they drank almost finish alr
waste my time
so i hogged the tvee ^^V
watched the cheerleading movie
fucking make me feel like cheering again :(

then was wanting to go home
BOOM rain ultra big
so kazzie say wait awhile more
so i stayed
then we watched strangers
fucking big guys all cowards one
we kept switching channels
taking cushion to cover
in the end the ending shocked us
my heart effing stopped when that girl screamed
cabbed home after that, kazzie pay of course

i like the weather
being cold

watching transformers tmr with daniel
wl rini cnt go cuz ernest sick
and virtual/reality bestfr cnt meet me
cuz he's lazy so no ice cream tmr
and my stupd brudder's trying to ruin my life

awesome isnt it
and i thought ystd was a happy day
today will be also
im wrong man

lexeous is a mother effing liar
promise say come back for my party one
nvm if you dont wanna come
i hope you wouldnt be
all alone feeling lonely in your stupid australia island

im veh annoyed

11:39 PM

okay
i feel like screaming
happy hormones are bursting in me
BERNARDETTE CALLED
that idiot
totally surprised me

he say he found out bout inc clique
he misses domic
duh best buds eh
and so he promised
he wouldnt be working for the next 2 weeks

he promise
no matter what
he will find a way
to visit them

yayyyyyyyyyy
im shuper happy
today

i feel like the happiest girl on earth
today.

12:34 AM

i woke up near 11 today
and realised
everyone will be going out
and i be alone

awesome isnt it
when i turned down every invite the night before
so i turned to my phone
had some plan but got cancelled
resorted to kazzie and co
slacked at leslie place first
went over to cyrus
annoying. today's grp was huge
plus their girlfrs and everything

so me and leslie decided to run away
and we didnt in the end
cuz mummy called
so i went to meet her in town
then papa came to fetch us for dinner

went over to leslie's hse after that
cuz we were nearby
and i said i needed to buy stuff
slacked there
my legs had a dip in the pool
played guitar hero with the rest
then he sent me home

going to leooo's cousin church tmr
he wants me to go so badly
and since i have nothing to do
i agreed
then regretted cuz i have to wake up early
:S
nehmind its for the sake of god
i'll go
and besides he owes me ice cream^^

haiz
my music was blasting in the car
and i left it on shuffle mode
out played that song
and i thought of the times when lex was back
god damn me

promise
promised
broken promise
empty promise
what have you not given me lexeous tan?

11:27 PM

was on the phone till pretty late ystd
i blurted out alot bout myself
as usual

rules stay rules
boundaries wouldnt be broken

couldnt concentrate in class
i cant absorb
damn me
i dnt know whats wrong totally

school ended at 1
i actually stayed home
and studied but ended up falling aslp

went to skate with papa he rode bicycle
had a 2 min conversation with kazzie and co
they were at cyrus
i peered in and they were coming out for a puff
idiot leslie kept patting my head

i wanna watch transformers

and weirdly
for the very first time
i find it boring to go out tmr
and tmr's a freakin saturday
with all the invites im turning them down
i shld be fine studying on my own
focus.

just now while skating
the feel of the wind
the heat of my cheeks
the feeling of carefree-ness
reminds me of them again

i rmb chester's the only one i trust
becuz standing behind his bike
i nvr felt fear
and the clique always sped down the canal paths
i miss them
i miss my bestfr
do you miss me too? chestertan

having a child at 16
and seeing it taken away
in the form of death
the anxiety
even if its not on you
but around you



Happy Birthday to EUNICE!
my twinnie
i miss skating with you
all the best in life
love you loads((:

12:23 AM

longing for their ever presence

i went to study with daniel
didnt study much
i couldnt concentrate
damn me

went to walk around
couldnt find anything for roy
walked to the tuition area
sat outside and talked for quite awhile

i blurted out alot bout myself
and while doing that
inc clique was brought up
jon was brought up
for a moment
i felt like a piece of my history

but im never gonna let
the failed past bring me down
only the exception of missing them


isnt it funny
when no one comes along
you question why you have not
but when it comes along
the pressure of it returns

im not ready
i need time

to L
you know you'r a greatfr
losing you over a r/s aint worth
friendship last longer than love
and you'r kazzie's fr
when he changes clique
we will disappear
you know how kazzie is


things cant be rushed

its the heart afraid of breaking

10:43 PM

Paralyzed With Doubts



arghhh
i cant concentrate in school
even when i put my phone away
my eyes will close
and i'll drift off dreaming
badbadbad

anw last night
i entertained leooo
for an hour plus
cuz he bored and i couldnt sleep
and insomnia continued to attack me
urgh

i missed my bus today
and LC and i updated each other
lotsa krazy stories

andand
she praised that boy
saying he has a good heart
:/

whatever i have my own plans
tolerance is a virtue
i'll see how long you can hold on

im going tiong later to study
with daniel
and maybe rini and ernest?
then go tuition

and leslie call say after tuition
they on the way maybe come pick me
and we go SPIZE
yes finally!
i miss the slacking at spize

idiot me
43 more days to prelims
and im still dreaming

im counting down the days
1 year 11 mths for chester release
1 year 2 mths for peiling released
domic hunwei mathew
released going straight to NS
my clique. forever


and leslie goh
dont let me spot you
holding binoculars looking into tiong
from your mera prime room okay

Now picture this, Open your heart and Time will tell

3:35 PM

im
SHUPUR XSITED
cuz i found bernardette's workplace
muahaha ^^V

my insomnia was frigging attackin me last night
i swear it took me an hour
before i really zonk out

oh well isit amazing or freaky
telepathy

today i saw LC in the canteen
immediately ran up to hug her
reagardless of the social distance of that H1N1 briefing
who cares man
god knows how much i missed her

rini came today ^^
i felt so sleepy today
urgh idiot me
and i couldnt concentrate well
so i might self impose a new rule
offing my phone
becuz all the ppl reply me is
INSTANT
to reply them always takes me quite awhile
:/

and leslie dental appointment
changed to next week
hahaha bracesboy for one more week
i swear he resembles chester so much
the way he talk and walk also
its like i can find my bestfr's soul in him

and kazzie
THANKS okay
for helping me find out
don worry kay
i know just what to do
this time round

today,
im happy(:

2:45 PM

down


tuition was as usual
first time ever time flew faster than usual
i did a physics paper
studied and talked with tes
her love with darren is so sweet
its intoxicating
and i wonder if i'll ever be in her situation

oh well
i suppose it wouldnt be awhile
becuz its real this time
i cant feel a thing

whats wrong man
i was so hyped before tuition
i feel totally :l now
its like a cycle
isit a sign to show im losing to my insonmia tonight again


im sorry les
my moodswings are getting out of hand
these nights
thanks for being here
dagna too(: rehlly appreciate it

i want god to stay by me
becuz i wanna start studying for real
i hope its not too late
and i believe i can do it

thomas you sure is one funny dude huh
im not bothered by that silly
i didnt write her name
she didnt write my name
who cares?
dont you dare do anything alright
meet up soon then(:
and yes you'r the biggest in tpy
and im made to type that sentence above

yeah im just stressed out


and im disgusted
with the behaviour of certain
it happened once
and i killed the second time
get away from me
you liar and much more worse

gotta stop frowning
stop fretting
and make it possible
i can do it

10:47 PM
finish typing