arghh
im feeding myself
to the temptations!

and im using the computer
when i self imposed not to
urgh idiot me

anw school is boring as always
went over to gab's hse for tuition
bethany came :DDD
she damn funny we kept joking about
gab was controlling damn bad from getting pissed
haha
but in the i keep falling aslp
then i left them for their couple time

bused home
listening to FM static
(L)

wl and i didnt get to see transformers ystd
:(
kazzie say no more tix :(
but i had a great time stoning at leslie' hse
becuz they brought their frigging laptop to DOTA
idiots
and leslie taking out braces tmr
he call me go
:S

anw im veh proud of myself
i deleted
almost everything of that period of my history

one thing to scold is
i havent touched any revision yet
when prelims is frigging around the corner
:(


urghh
gotta really self impose more rules
yeh man
i can do it


invites for saturday
-skating with rini and co
-gig with monsie
-movies with kazzie and co
-study date with bethany and gab

wl
its not even the weekends yet
i already have to stress
which one to go
i think i'll end up staying home
feeling sad cuz i miss chester and the rest

i miss my bestfr
chestertan
when you gonna kill me with coke on gastric attacks again
i miss you like alot man:(


motivation to study
-ice cream trips with ah chek clement
- visits to domic from his brudder
-making them proud when they come out
-making my parents proud

10:06 PM

im in school

and whatever times

my fingers has a go at the keyboard

i'll blog

besides its the only way

i can update for lex

since the calls will be lesser now

i couldnt slp ystd

the holidays i was an owl

now im gonna be a erm

a nerd.

going tiong after sch i guess

lunch with kazzie and co

cuz kazzie owes me 20 bux

leslie owes me ice cream

okay i shld be doing my research now

ciaos

11:26 AM

dinner with family
roy ordered crabs
i remember the last time crabs were served
was months ago at greatworld opp
domic the reckless idiot felt like eating
immediately we went with mathew also
i miss them
went tiong after that
saw the 24 ppl
i saw one about to call out to me
i instantly changed my route

went to sweet talk
i rmb hunwei's gross drink
mixxing all the colourful jelly

i miss them so much
they were my clique
its like waking up one day
and they'r all taken away from you

school's starting
i suppose the pile of work given
and the stress for the exams
can temporary numb the hollowness

this holiday
was fun/sucky
sucky i lost them all
fun only at certain times

i have to thank kazzie
and his countless of frs
though i dread to be seen with you guys
yet you guys gave me fun times
made me laugh and everything
thanks really
i doubt i have the time anymore
when school really starts

thanks to gab for your maths tuition
thanks for tolerating my crap doodling
and not scolding me when im daydreaming

thanks to courtney for the 2 days job
haha i had fun covering your class(:

if god gives me a chance again
i will like to meet new friends
friends like the inc clique
friends that will be there no matter what
even if the police is on the way
real frs.

and if things can be like the past
after they are all let out
i will work hard
and do them proud by then

i can do it
im sure i can conquer the books

and i wouldnt be using the com
except on weekends
self imposed rule no.1
so communication through phone

my phone's been dead anw
on or off no difference
i miss the non stop text from chester
the countless calls
bestfr bonding time
:(

shit me
i shouldnt be wallowing now
but urghh
swine flu come attack me
i dont wanna go sch still

but reality's still reality
Michie Can Do It
yeh i can

i'll do my hw tmr
and my hair's not cut yet
though im not a boy but its getting longer



communication by phone
byee

10:19 PM

fuck
time sped
sch's starting
hair not cut
nail polish not wiped
homework not done
total
NIGHTMARE

i was starving ystd night
cuz of stupid leslie goh
but nehmind you thursday taking out braces
i wouldnt say you kewt anymore(:
revenge!

i veh lazy to do my homework
and it cant be done by today
i know cuz its a pile on my desk
and im asked to ecp later to play
wl :/


oh andi's fr has H1N1
so maybe suay i kena also
but they say 1/3 of citizens will kena
and my nose is running

urghhh
eff
homework
eff SCHOOL

1:40 PM

went wisma
met andros wendy and co
felt alil out of place
andri saw me at fareast
and i joined her and priya to shop
i bought a bag

went to cine later to watch gig
then to wisma to slack

and im fucking hungry now
im invited to cyrus VIP room
but i veh lazy
and stupid leslie goh is there
he's tempting me with food from spize
stupid idiot, BUDDIES treat each other nicely one
and im veh hungry
i only ate popcorn chicken today
how can you afford to see me starve
later you get nightmares :(
and i want to scold you your favorite phrase now
"you farking cheebai"


when a fr likes this kewt boy
and this kewt boy tells her
he has interest in you instead
what do you do man!
i said NO WAY
thats what i did

and when a guy dumps your sch bestfr
for ANOTHER girl
you either console her
or get a new guy
i consoled her
but none nice guys to intro

and today i hang out with andri's clique
i felt effing hollow
i miss my clique
chester hunwei domic peiling mathew
its like a piece of me missing

nothing can fill this hollowness
but i know if i stay bright on the side
it will save everyone the hassle



loneliness knows me by name

12:58 AM

yeah so much for the shopping trips
i didnt buy much this hols :/
sale or no sale
no difference

i went to slp early
last time check was 1.30am
at 3 i woke up
kazzie and co at spize
they gonna walk over to leslie's hse to ton
i hesistated
but i ended up sneaking down
and played 2 frigging hours of guitar hero
my fingers almost fell off
i played all my emotions out

came home to slp around 8
just nice mummy gonna go see doc
poor mummy
hope she gets well soon

and not gonna shisha today
not enough people :/
hitting town

im typing this on impulse
but whatever
fuck those girlfrs
who promised to make it today
but end up going off with their dates


yayayay IF tonight town not fun
i can go join joe shisha


sezriously i h8te my brudder
like why cant he be normal

1:04 PM

this pic's for last night

last night was KRAZY
i think i went krazy
things went insane in me
i talked to IGNATIUS ANG
yes the soccer boy
the first boy i liked
and we talked bout the
PAST

i swear i must have been insaned
and he told me some terrible stuff
no i wasnt hurt much
okay ouch maybe for a few mins

so all those time
in the duration of 2 years
i tried to get over
and he was poking fun
whenever i was being mentioned

AWESOME huh

i must have been the silliest girl
i was so annoyed
i turn to coke and chocs
something i wouldnt do
like eating and drinking at 2
and staying on the phone with leo till 5 plus

but whatever
iggy's an old flame


todayy

i went amk library with gab
he brought bethany with him
im suppose to do maths
beth suppose to do physics
so while he's trying to do the sums
i took out the OUTRAM 08 &07 yr book
^^
and we started circling the not nice looking ppl
so i chanted
ugly ugly ugly ugly eh KEWT ugly ugly ugly
then i realised im sitting in the library
so all the stupid laptop ppl couldnt stop staring
we had lotsa fun totally
then i came home to change
so they can go lovey dovey

went to lex hse
his sec sch mates all there
we mrt-ed to T3
slacked abit then he had to enter alr
gave him the tightest hug ever
he ruffled my hair and told me to grow taller
haha im missing him already
cabbed home with 2 of the frs
they dropped me off
^^
free ride

and i dnt know where im going tmr

i feel freed
(:


i feel like breaking my skinny brudder up into pieces
NOW
idiot

11:34 PM

im blogging again
second time
i dont know why
im gonna fucking rant out everything
the previous one was bout activities


i dont know why i put that picture
but thats my expression now
im annoyed
confused

and im gonna scold myself now
wl michie why you like this
why you go talk to him
why you go think bout the past
wl you stupid idiot

urghhhhhhhh

im gonna go have ice cream

extinguish the flame

11:23 PM

i didnt blog ystd
but i had an interesting time
went tiong with roy ben and feb and her sis
drummed awhile
some nerd tried to challange me with speed 1.0?
player supermario for the first time
saw jaspur and some other 24 ppl

went LJS for dinner
4 bengs kept staring at me
roy call me turn and look
ben gave the finger
that started the pointing
in the end roy call me go over help ben say sorry
cuz ben still small kid
but the bengs went off:D

drummed somemore
camwhored
went home
talked on the phone with leooo till 2 plus
then his line went dead again
-.-

i woke up at 12 today
havent even fix my hair or face
only brush my teeth kena pulled to tiong
got breakfast for mummy
wl saw jerome and his frs in macs
they like my messy hair
idiots
lazy to walk so i cabbed home
4 bucks just for a 2 mins ride

went to visit chester with lex
couldnt go in
had a big argument with the ppl in charge
relatives only allowed
fuck totally
so went back to his hse to slack

im suppose to ton at his place tonight
but he got his frs over
so i go also end up being a maid only
unless he can bribe me over
or i be in front of my com

and i talked to ignatius
we started talking
and he asked
if i had a boyfr before
i summarised some stuff
then he never reply alr
i told courtney
she called me instantly
then started yakking away
-.-
he's just an old flame
that will always burn in me
cuz he's the first guy i liked?

going amk tmr to do hw
at night sending lex off at airport


dont have boyfr wouldnt die one

11:00 PM

on the phone with lex till 3 last night
we talked alot
mainly about us.

i figured or we both figured
leaving it this way's the best solution
leaving it the way
of how things use to be
the status of friends

you should know
no matter what we are
friends or lovers
you'r still special to me
and nothing will change this fact alright
we shall visit them all tmr
old flames.

now if ppl ask
i'll be able to answer without hesistating
[:


going tiong later with kazzie and ben
feb and cheryl going also
camwhore spree
drum-mathon


LESLIE GOH
IS TAKING OUT HIS BRACES NEXT WEEK
:(((
and he call me go with him
idiot.

and im going his house to play later
guitarherooooo competition with leon

im hyped up for today
cuz i feel freed



i can live on my own


FOR-NEVER

1:49 PM

i went to skate today
or should i say walk more than skate
with ernest and his frs
played some stupid games
in the end i left at plaza sing

came home mummy got headache
i could had stayed out somemore i guess
roy went to watch transformers with ben kazzie

ate alil of what pa bought back for mummy
the clock showed 8
i stood up abruptly and told mummy
i going library borrow/return books

called lex, lucky he finish his dinner with his mum alr
he cabbed down to fetch me
then we cabbed to redhill library
there was the awakard silence between us

upon reaching they announced library closing in 1/2 hr
grabbed a couple of books
then we walked to macs
the atmosphere was bad
we both had things to say
but we didnt know how to start
in the end we sat there talking over ice cream
we talked about the clique
then about
us.

im confused
what are we exactly
are we on the line of friendship
or we are already over the borders

do you know how it feels
everytime you fly back
we seem to be tgt
but yet you always go so soon before i realise
we dont have much time here tgt

im sure im not using you to forget him
its just you were right
i dont know what we are either

do you realise
how badly my heart beats
each time you show affection
have you thought of the consequences
when you leave too much behind for me
it will become hard for me to let you go


and im disappointed by my own frs
liars with empty promises
say what will keep free on sat
in the end
i have to hear from others
invited to the event that they say you will go also
when you promised to be out with the rest?

fuck man
i have the greatest life

i might as well go out on sat myself
and die on the way back

10:45 PM

woke up by 2 policemen today
they came to ask if anyone throw smth dwn the chute
then i said i sleeping
i ask throw what
isit bomb or corpse
then they dont want tell me
they say is this side of the chute one
went back to slp
then came back and ask me for ic and number
-.-

did alil maths
went to skate
8 laps by the canal

7 plus reach airport
waited damn long
then spotted him and his dad
the dad assumes im his girlfr
haha uncle is a very serious man
went to the foodcourt
lex couldnt stop talking bout stupid things
uncle pissed off say he take luggage go first

we went candy empire
ate lotsa jellybeans
cabbed back to greatworld for macs
he bought me apple pie and ice cream^^
then we went Montique to see hair accessories
hahaha bought him a hairband
then i bused home

that idiot going parklane with his sec sch mates
tmr going out with his mum
so i gonna skate tmr with rini and ernest co.

iloveyouuuuuuuuuu man
now you come back i dont feel lonely alr
we shall go visit the rest of the clique soon
i bet they missed you too

12:18 AM

looks thats me
looking fat in the picture with mocha
went shopping with mummy and aunt silvia
i sneaked off half way
went to find mocha
wanted to find teck kian also
but nvr so i owe him ice cream

okay i have 5 mins to blog before 12

something happen today and im quite scared
but its over
i hate Ben*
cant spell it fully cuz kazzie's beside me
he says its insulting to him

happy father's day
:DDD
we had steamboat
the crowd came over to my hse
we ate alot and talked alot

okay i'll try
to heed my girlfrs's advice/encouragement
but if nothing turns up
then too bad

okayokay
i need one more week hols please

and guess what

LEXEOUS IS FLYING BACK TMR
and im going to the airport


ask me out
whoever that can promise fun on outings
pleaseeee
i wanna lead my life like before
find new frs
but not to replace chester and all
just to let me have fun again

11:55 PM

was on the phone from 1 to 5 plus AM
with leoooo again
story sharing session

at 11 i felt something wet on my face
mummy threw a towel on my face
jumped out of bed
and she screamed answer the phone
stupid leslie call a girl to call my hse
i totally forgot leon got party today
no wonder cuz my phone under my bed
didnt hear the reminder alarm

cabbed down when its only 2 streets away
urghh 5 bux gone
upon reaching cake alr cut alr
-.-
gave him his pressie
that brat leslie brought me to say hello to all the adults
tsk isnt it paiseh enough that im late

in the end went over to join the rest
its so obvious
3 groups of people there
1. adults and their relatives
2. leon's pri 1 classmates
3. the teens

it was too hot so i sneaked upstairs with kazzie
they played guitarhero
played alil then ended up falling aslp
woke up around 5 plus
play somemore then went tiong

mummy and pa and roy went also
went to meet them
went arcade
DRUMMED
saw bruce they all
stupid angkun guy disturb me
and i saw my eyecandy
he said he rmbs seeing me around
but we didnt talk i merely smiled

bought a starry dress
pissed mummy off
went macs and ate my mcflurry
saw jerome then shouted his name
that idiot got blue hair now
alienic.

came home and sulked

to this whoever you think you are
big shot huh?
trying to scare my fr
just cuz your fr got her before you did?
oh please you'r a chinese
style like beng
talk like matt
who you think you are man

if you dare to put my fr in any threatening state
i'll not hesistate to call kazzie
by then you will be a vegetable
i may feel bad everytime i do something wrong
or hurt someone emotionally
i've never called kazzie to go for someone directly
but seriously dont step over the line

and ah chek thanks for calling him(:

lex is flying back on monday
my luv

11:29 PM

hello im not sleeping still
hee im online with LEXXX

today was okay
gab came over to tutor me today
mathss eh for 2 hours
:SSSSSSSSS
but he veh nice got alot of patience((:

but he's like monsie
worried for my academic
i promise i'll work harder kay

thought i rot at home for the rest of the day
but my nicey fr called
yes my les partner LESlie
i owe him an apology also
after scolding him and his brudder that day
we went pastamania
i ate till damn full
cuz the idiot doesnt let me leave if i dont finish

we went walkwalk after that
and he bought me a super KEWT bag
didnt expect him to buy also
was at kino upstairs when he said he go toilet
then he bought the strawberry bag ^^
and i bought him ice cream in return
we bumped into SEBASTIAN LIM
and seb rmbs me still
*melts/ faints
haha he's as hawt as ever
then leslie waited with me to bus
then he go play pool with kazzie and co alr


came home called mocha
OMG i melted over the phone
she and him super sweet
happy for her
she encouraged me to find new luv also
wl like catch fish like that so easy meh
besides substitution is a selfish thing to do
and i dont feel like dating S*****boys again


where shld i go tmr
hmm
maybe go explore on my own again

i cant be bothered over what people think anymore
im me and the only me
i can do it
:)

12:37 AM

today was okay

studied alil maths

doodled

phone february to talk

digged out roy's gameboy

played in the safety of my room

kazzie called go meet at valleypoint

though its just beside my hse

i felt too lazy to walk over

in the end he bribed me with caramel macchiato

^^V

so i went over

got the drink

smilesmile to his new frs?

took the 20 bux he owes me

and i skipped home

and that cost 1 and 1/2 hour

and i realised that was long

supposingly a ten min thing one

watched videos on youtube

lex is coming back

im counting down the days man

i miss them still

oh well i am strong

i can do it

andand

12:29 AM

was on the phone with leooo ystd night
till like almost 3
he told me very nice stories and plans
haha funny guy

woke up at 12 plus
breakfast with mummy
went to studied
tried but ended up with comics in my hands again

wasted the afternoon watching tvee
roy came back from camp
looking very tan

kazzie called to go out
they gonna go drinking
tempted but said no thanks

was fine till i saw those stuff again
stuff that can make me feel like crap
make me feel like im stabbed instantly
or make me gasp for air when im conscious

its real i know it is
becuz all the evidence are blasted in my face
why do i feel pain
i dont know

i should had went with kazzie
totally in need of vodka
anything that can make me escape reality for awhile


no matter how hard i try
sometimes i still
cant get you out of my mind

i have my own tears plus
the pain you gave me
it makes up the ache of it all


picture it
you and your new barbie


my heart may ache
but i'll nvr wet my eyes over you again
i wouldnt let it happen

11:01 PM

woah my legs are killing me

okayxz
today early morning went leslie hse
didnt wanna dirty my clothes so i changed
PS. he has super kewt boxers omg
haha hope he doesnt see this
went to the pool to see leon swim
that lil idiot pulled me in

then i run up to bathe again
eff knew i sure late
blow my hair
tied it up
resulting look like some messy headed
bad hair day:(

rushed to bus down to bugis
wl leooo reach first -.-
went to find him
that idiot wore a veh interesting shirt
hahah he wanted to use his bag to cover
but in the end i made him carry properly

haha made him wear a beanie
wl hoped he look nice in one
haha he turn out looking like some sick cancer patient

went to walk around
didnt buy anything
nothing caught my eye
but we had a great time in topman
haha i persuaded him to buy a stupid shirt
haha he bought me ice cream^^
then i had to go

late for bal class
wl punishment was to point toes in socks
almost died
like my legs detached from my body
cabbed home no choice

okay im quite pleased with myself today
i smiled alot
laughed alot

but alot hw not done -.-

but alot outings soon ^^

11:15 PM

bal class was fun
brought them chocs((:
ended early again^^
rushed home for dinner

studied alil
had bonding time with roy
we saw some old childhood songs on mtv
then we sang and jumped about
haha we had a great time reminiscing the past
and he'r growing taller
no more twin charade

im gonna study more
cuz i wasted 2 weeks
shit me

shopping trip with leooo tmr
gonna restock my wardrobe
and make him try a beanie

i miss them still
oh well
we'r visiting everyone of them
when lex is back
isnt it? you promised me my dear
they'r arent just my friends
they are yours too
including your bestfr

mocha mocha mocha babe
i'll pray for you
think twice before doing anything
love's a game for fools(:

sore feet

benjamin kazzie must be having fun
they be reaching genting tmr
so my hse is like a zoo
marianna kazzie left her rabbit here
i think the dog coming tmr also
:S

miss you much lex((:

11:46 PM

monsie took this picture
the beanie was coming off anw

ystd was well plain
started off in the morning to get roy's new phone
same phone as feb's
then he went cyrus

the shopping trip with leslie posponed to wed
so i pretty much rotted at home
then went to the studios
did the procedures and everything
courtney was pissed at what i wore
lols what could i do
monsie tore my leggins
legwarmers are the best i can find

class of 11 tods
nice sweet lil angels
poof 2 hours flew past in a while's time
went home to wash up
left my phone to charge at home

figured there's no harm going out alone again
was hesitant at the start if i should
figured out i shouldnt be a coward
suprisingly with no directions in mind where to go
i found myself in town taka
i went macs, and ate on my own
had a pretty kewl time
was smiling to everyone who stared at why i was eating alone
busybodies

bought vanilla cone
and i walked walked walked
and went to the park
didnt sat for long when someone covered my eyes
thought who uh
in the end is leslie and his frs
they waiting to go the club near singtel
so coincidence

chatted awhile
nice boys they are wanted to follow me home
but it wasnt that late
so i bused home

and so i made it home
survived again after a trip out alone

so what if my pride crashed by doing that
at least i dont have to play charades anymore
no one to put up with
no stress from their face expressions
no disturbance of a phone

feels peaceful

oh well this post's for ystd

today started out pretty boring
i realised my phone was missing
only when gab called my hse
realised it dropped under my bed

gab came over for alil studying((:

then he had to go soccer with his frs
next week he teaching me maths again ^^

hmm bal class at 6 again
suppose maybe
i wouldnt be alone at dinner today

doesnt matter anw
i can do fine on my own
i know i can

counting down upon
touchdown of lex's flight(((((:

4:22 PM

reached the meeting place earliest again
so much that im ALWAYS the earliest one
they are alwaays LATE
so i have to fucking wait

went to cine for lunch
got to know some of monsie's frs
went to the park later to watch the competition
was super reluctant to
i didnt want to even bump into anyone of *them

it rained so we hurried off the esplanade
monsie's new grp of frs were there
then we went to the memorial area to skate
while skating to buy drinks on my own
i fell
and got laughed at
but i stood up and skated back
i felt like crap

they were totally unappreciative
andri and priya left early
so much for assuring they staying out with us
great.
was about to go off to watch the gig later

they dared me to ask the emo dude's number
so i went
and got myself looked like a clown
couldnt be bothered so i said forget bout it

went to waterfront
nurul cried
and we sat there
fucked up i went off to the slope to skate

went back to plaza sing after that
had dinner then went down
hoping i could drum
but some stupid guy inserted 3 credits

they had to go then
i went to take bus alone
went past spize
all those cliques i saw

i felt like fuck on the bus

so much for staying out
staying out= 10 pm?

chester i miss you guys
we use to stay out for wild times sake
and you lost weight when i saw you today
i miss you so much

whats the point of going home early
and none of them can stay out
not mentioning kazzie or his frs
fuck totally
so i wander on my own after 10

and i reached home
mummy screamed
mel told on me bout ystd
im never ever bringing her out again

she screamed at me
when its like 10 plus at night
she doesnt want me to skate anymore
she dont want to see me hanging around strangers

fuck all the people in my family
with shortgun marriages
underage pregnancies
i had to undergo the pressure of not becoming like them
becuz of them
mummy is preaching me forever always

and i want to drink so badly now
i had to cry with my back facing them
its tears of anger

ystd was fucked up
today too

i cant look forward to a better tomorrow
not when everyday just gets worse


they shine so brightly
even when they'r not metals
i dont even glisten with them around

my blog's like 90% saddistic
cant figure why it can entertain ppl even

fuck my life


to hell with my pride
cuz
im gonna cry tonight

11:29 PM

bad day.
i thought only a few of them skating
surprised to see one big clique
they skated at the steps opp heeren
sat there for awhile

ah chek clement appeared suddenly
thought he coming at 4.30
went to taka for ice cream
saw LEOOO
melanie was shy
she found every guy idiotic
and she's only 7

went back to the skate area
they got rate
lucky rini was with melanie
after awhile ah chek went off
felt bad for telling him to go

went to plaza sing
they skated i sat there with mel
in the end couldnt withstand it
i borrowed one of the deck and went to skate
wanted to play catching with the security guard
in the end had to go cuz jerome called to hurry me

brought mel home
then was about to go off
mummy say eat abit first
so i said okay a few mouthful
then pa asked where i going
then he nag bout staying home
in the end i couldnt go

i felt so bad standing them up
im so sorry really
and seriously i wanted to drink
so phucked up
conference with babes bout tmr
felt phucked up also
urghhhhhhhhh
whats wrong with me

im so mixed up
ache, sadness, stess, annoyance, anger
i wish chester's here
he will cure my emotions now
i hope i felt less tense after visiting him tmr
i miss you bestfr
:(

maybe its just me
im just stressing myself



the ice keeps getting thinner
the season's have changed

i miss you bestfr
cant be described in words
how much i miss not just you but the rest too

wet eyes

10:11 PM

i slpt early ystd
so called early at 12
great start to killing my insomnia
^^

going out soon
bringing melanie out
and leslie wanna bring leon out also
so we gonna have lunch
i bring my lil sis out
and he brings his lil brudder out
great.
family game uh

then hitting town
to meet rini and ernest etc
gonna watch them skate
then ah chek clement meeting me
for our ICE CREAM deal

i swear im gonna look so uglyxzxz later
cuz i be wearing a lian top out with shorts
there's a chalet tonight
and promised to ME
got my favourite Bacardi and Vodka
and its a beng event
gotta blend in
*rolls my eyes and chants
its for the sake of bacardi and vodka

im seeing chester tmr
i cannot wait
bestfr

okay the happy hormones are tapping into me today
i hope it last
i dont wanna flip out

11:39 AM

sch ended at 5 plus i reached home at 7
the bus took an hour to come
eff.
and babes fought in school
make everyone so sian
urgh.

came home to lil kazzies all over
urgh headache
hit the shower grab my stuff
headed over to tiong
met up with kazzie and his frs

i had no choice
or i wouldnt even go to them

i wanted to swim but decided not to
wanted to play snooker
and YES! got to
wanted to pig out on ice cream
YES! on b&j somemore
wanted to dance and jump about wildly
and YES! taken as a clown on parapara
whatever i just needed my tensed muscles to relax

came home around 10 plus
melanie staying over
which means i have to bring her out tmr
nehmind i be a big sister

i miss my jie
tsk

okay mummy says i got panda eyes
:O horror shock terror
i nvr had them before

arhhh FM static my love


i miss peiling :(
she use to play paperbag imitations with me
since we both love paper
the smeell of it the touch of it
we love brown paper like alot
and she has so many at home
cuz she take from 7-11 and bodyshop
then we will doodle and make mask outta them
when she had probation
i miss her:(

oh well

and im so proud of myself
this afternoon i was all feeling down
wanting to drink so badly again
but now im fine
and its all the shaking of the haze outta my mind

i cant wait for saturday
the start of a wild party weekend


i know that if i just stay strong
i can make it

11:30 PM

it takes minutes to fall in love

and almost what seem like forever

to get out of it

12:18 PM

sch was slacking again
stupid someone pull my hair
i didnt do much work again
:(
tsk lazy me

we went adams road for prata
throughout i damn hyper
haha sch clique outing like that
we all damn high
kept laughing
^^V
i love them all

auntie texted
said we visit chester another day
she got something on
poor chester
i wonder how he is now
but i be seeing him on sat morning
confirm already
i miss you bestfr

came home and leslie called
his maid washed my jacket alr
called me over to collect
upon reaching i heard a fight going on
his brudder opened the door
les was fighting with his mum in the kitchen
urgh
went to the kid's room
he was preparing to go swimming
so i brought him down
and before i knew it i zonk out
and FOR AN HOUR
urgh pig

leslie looked so deperessed
i wonder whats sup with him
oh well we went greatworld for dinner
brought the kid along
it was fun in macs
but i knew he was hiding something

they walked me home after that
and i told him to call if he wanna talk

i hate to see my frs depressed

im so dead
i dont feel like doing my work
its for N level somemore

urghhh serious whats wrong with me

i miss them
i never stopped missing them
i never will
until i have them back

okay outings update
friday maybe go skate or watch them instead
might be meeting ah chek clement for ice cream

saturday morning going visit chester
afternoon maybe skate
night got gig
twilight got party but not confirmed

sunday afternoon start bal class
evening got shopping trip with les for his bro's BD present

monday got study date with gab
afternoon shld be go watch movie
evening got bal class

tuesday
SHOPPING TRIP with Leooo

im envious of leslie's brother
haha got so many big brothers and sister's attention on him
i rmb being 13 and taken as a small kid
the protection, attention, care, concern
showered on me
from the many big brothers i use to have

i miss being everyone's lil girl

10:26 PM

came home and saw pa's car
urghh means i cant go skate
family dinner but i chose to stay home
lately things just end up unhappy between everyone

continued my gossip girl series
and msn with certain
courtney called

skipped to valley point's starbux
handed me my work schedule
she's such a sweetheart
she bought me caramel macchiato
she rmbed all this time i loved that drink
it seemed like forever
since i last stepped into a starbux outlet

we lost track of time talking
i ran home
and apparently everyone's not home yet
hit the showers and blew my hair dry
blowing dry always makes me feel chaota

had a talk with lex
call from auntie
tmr's visiting is at 7

so much for telling myself since last week that
i'll settle down this week to study
and this week already started
yet i touched nothing again

the fun keeps winning me over
laziness is crawling on me
bottles are tempting

its this or that
choose one

11:25 PM

i was lost for words

i lost my appetitite

i lost my mind

i need a new life

12:09 PM

i went out at 2 last night to SPIZE
met the boys and kazzie for supper
before that i had a talk with feb
i bitched throughout till i finally broke down
couldnt hide it no more

i miss them
my life's failing
i felt so hopeless
thanks for being there feb

we went to leslie's place
played guitar hero
went home at dawn
slept for a few hours
then i was reminded there's sch at 2
and i awoke at 11 plus realising that
rushed and of course was alil late

i looked utterly stupid
didnt iron my uni
so threw on the skirt and yellow top

came home and caught a few hours of slp
then went to had dinner at henderson
i saw bruce and the whole 24 troupe
and a new kid they had from my pri sch
i pretty much walked off without waving
they were my past
not present anymore

pa dropped me at tiong
and my whining got me 50 bucks to shop
bought breaking dawn
and went into the arcade
saw jaspur and some other 24 ppl
said hi outta courtesy
afterall its their territory
yeah lame i know

played drums
im most probably gonna be the only record breaker there
the only thing that keeps the arcade going
is the MAXIMUM TUNE and TAKEN
whatever that fighting game is spelt
i saw kazzie's old fr
got him to buy me 3 breezers

walked over to tiong park myself
and swinged
it felt good tasting the breezers
it felt like the past
we held contest to see who could down the most bots

i missed them
i cracked.

No hope No love No glory

one thing good bout being single
you wouldnt hurt anyone
and
no one can hurt you

and one of the many disadvantage
you see one too many couples
snogging out in front of you
just on a single escalator
tiong is the best example

i shld try again
3 days is pathetic
i can go longer for sure
i can do it

11:35 PM

oh it feels so good to be back in sing
the wedding event was good/BAD
we went shopping before that
and before that we had 2 hours of jam in the traffic
great start.

upon reaching everyone went missing
leaving me and roy standing there?
totally uncomfortable
and some bitches kept staring at me
like wth totally
who ruled out sneakers with dresses?
and the stuff they were wearing
were obviously last season in sing
with the terrible make up look of a clown
and those bloody ugly heels
why bother looking old when you'r young?

and i didnt touch the food
the bride was so sad
she had to sit down
cuz her 5 months baby was weighing on her
and she's only 18
which means all the malaysia bengxz and lians were there
but i felt so sorry for her

the whole 3 table of relatives from singapore
was totally standing out from the rest
and mummy and a few aunts cried cuz they were touched
oh well i sat there half dead with roy

went shopping again after that
bought quite a handful of stuff
and we all looked hilarious in the mall
the girls with long dresses
the guys with fine suits

another 2 hours of jam
half of it spent on the phone
conferencing with les kazzie and his girlfr
deciding/arguing where to go tmr

no school tmr!

unpacking and watching gossip girl

urgh i miss the clique


and i hate to see your name around me


to my dearest feb
dont be too hard on the results
that girl just had her hopes raised
they aint going for looks you know
afterall you be the one laughing at her
when she goes off crying?

11:31 PM

im at relativee hse now
waiting for them to get ready
so we can all drive to malaysia tgt

last night was hell lotsa fun
went SPIZE for supper
and i refused to eat cuz the food ordered was fattening
and leslie brought his lil brother there
so i had fun feeding him
and his lil brother is totally not a normal 7 yr old kid
he's an effing pro in dota
and he's an owl
badbad for a young kid
must be big brother's influence

and i was really tired
and super effing cold
we went vip room
teeheehee ^^ then brother came to join
he stunned to see we booked the inside

wasted $$ was spent on me
cuz i sat in front of my seat's com and stone
then soon i fell aslp
in the end leslie had to lend me his shoulder
cuz my head ache
haha he's reh sweet

they finished around 5 plus and woke me up
went to eat roti prata
then they wanted to go back in play somemore
but i damn lazy to go in stone again
leslie offered to go off with me
cuz i didnt wanna go home myself
though its not a long journey

finally the big appetites pigs finished eating
then leslie and i went off
he piggybacked me to the bus stop
cuz i was too lazy to walk
and i repeatedly told him
im sorry im fat and im selfish cuz im tired
and he was so nice to say he can even carry me all the way
which is 3 stops to my house if we walk

too bad he's much more of big brother material though

:P

reached home and saw mummy awake
she so early wake up to make up
then after awhile roy came back
im wearing my dress with my sneakers
mummy was way funny
she say wear your highcut larh more style right
then i :O stare at her
thinking what went into her man
then i told her i like my low cut more now

and my aunt is taking forever to get ready

my brother's damn kewl
wearing what i picked out for him

okay im ranting again

missing the clique still

bye loves

PS pray i wouldnt tear the dress

8:43 AM

if you'r reading this
just a gentle note

its gonna be a long post

hopped outta bed at 9
bathe and rush to skatepark meet jazzper
acc her for awhile
haha i skated in my girly top and shorts
happy happy sit there

monsie text me
they saw him ystd
he was with a girl
and they say the girl looks like me
WOW
of course they find the girl and me alike
duh
this jerk here
goes for the FACE instead of the HEART
so i bet the girl style like me also
fucker.
you think you'r the only one who can move on
becuz i can fucking get myself a new boyfr too

my whole afternoon was ruin
to think i felt pathetic after reading the text
then the sadness turned to anger
i dont even know why i was sad for a moment
total fucked up

went to cathay to support feb
through out the whole time i was alone
i walked cathay alone
sat alone also
and i thought alot
wished her luck before going vivo

freaking pissed with the boys
cuz they make me walk alone at vivo myself
then later go city hall meet them
went suntec to slack
they'r all damn funny idiots

the worst thing was my phone went dead

then later we watched
MONSTERS VS ALIEN
wl my second time watching
wasted my money
but whatever at least i watched finish
that time watched with kazzie
3/4 of the whole time i slping

then went town to find rini
she was with andy
they scared me by telling me they tgt
then we camwhore outside arcade
woah all kazzie frs kept staring
they know im someone familiar but they cant tell
who i was afterall

then was about to go home around 10
but i bumped into kazzie and co
haha called papa to say i be home late
then followed them dwn to arcade
haha my famous kazzie said hi to everyone
then the bengs rmb im kazzie's kazzie
hahaha and leslie came after that

and im at his hse now
haha random
i didnt know he stay at mera prime
DAMN KEWL

haha okay then we played drums etc
haha they all damn suck up sia
and i got them to buy me ice cream and breezer
haha then kazzie told them im leslie's
better dont jio
frigging hilarious
and i played max tune and screamed all the way
i just dont know how to handle the gear luh

haha kazzie they all coming soon
cuz they had to settle some stuff
so i followed leslie here first
tmr going malaysia
i'll ton and sleep on the way
haha mera prime is just outside tiong larh
damn convinient eh this lucky idiot

okay we gonna go cyrus later
haha im veh happy today
though the first part of the day SUCKED

leslie's reh kewt
very hard to resist not to fall for him
haha hope he doesnt read this

i dont care
if you think im a bitch
if you think im one
then i am
and i will be a bitch to you

for fuck that im sad over what they saw
i'll nvr ever say i miss you again
go fuck your new barbie doll
jerk

11:14 PM

fuck man
went to the park
didnt skate much
was damn hot
and i felt uncomfortable with the skaters
and this fucked up guy came
and totally look down on us
taunt us and crap

went to street skate later on
saw ah chek
and some sch girls
and there's this lian turn town girl
so (*(&@*^$&^$@&$%

reached home
pissed mummy off
she knows i went to skate
then prepared to go bugis

i wore this really girly outfit
and i felt pretty in it
she said not nice veh weird
papa say the skirt too short
fuck it totally
i walked into my room
and threw on the ah lian combination
and asked my mum if she's happy now

and i sulked all the way
and she said go shopping
more like shop for them all except me
i went MIA and shop on my own
went to arcade and hit those pop ups
i had the look
i want to kill you
the whole time there

total fuck up day

and mummy bought this white dress
which is for me to wear on sun's wedding dinner
and the idiot auntie say i look nice like some doll
fuck it i hate dolls
and im swear i'll wear my sneakers

seriously
i wear girly not acceptable
wear not girly not tolerable
so what you want me to fucking wear

i swear i wouldnt wear girly stuff out with pa and mummy
anymore
i'll be a fucked up daughter
and wear berms and beanie and sneakers
their son can wear dresses for a change

im lacking of sleep and food
so im very angry now
too bad if your weak heart
cant tolerate all my fucking words

and tmr is some fucked up day also
everything not confirm
i was looking so forward to a fun saturday
now it might become a emo sat again

the worst day ever

11:18 PM

skateeeee
yes man im gonna skate
its been like 1234567890 since i last skate
haha not that long actually
but it seemed like ages since i last went to park
and the ramps im gonna touch themmmm
and hope i dont fall
or i look uglyxzxzxz
in my dress for sunday's wedding dinner
and tmr for the movie outing with the boys

yayayayayay
i found an excuse to bring my board out
haha since i have no super power
to make my board invisble
and my mother=24/7 guard of the house
i be running out of excuses soon

but im veh happy
cuz my super pack babes all gonna skate tgt
and i going bugis to shop tonight
XDXDXDXD

and lex is calling tonight
yay

and im reh happy
retarded me
awefully contented at every lil small thing now

and i miss
chester and domic and peiling
i dont miss hunwei and mathew that much
haha i do still miss them
LOADS :(

visitng chester next wed X)

i found the berms last night
with my torch and my super eyes
i broke into my store room
and dig them out
hahaha so much for pa telling me he burnt them
tsk i can balance one really
i still wear girly dont i
whats there to be afraid of really pa
not like im turning lesbo

leslie's so kewt
but kewt doesnt work anymore
haha imagine your face while reading this uh
too bad for you

michie means it

11:28 AM

today was not fine
upon reaching school i realised
:O
my phone's lying on my bed BACK AT HOME
wl first day that my phone coming back alive
i dont have it with me
i was veh happy last night
gab text me and said he read my blog
HI ^^
and he offered me to join them anytime
thats reh sweet :)))
soon when im free kay
we go movie marathon
you pay ticketS
i pay popcorn XP

and i reach home at 6
totally sulking all the way home
and upon reaching downstairs i saw kazzie
and he said leslie coming
was about to run off
cant possibly be seen in my ugly polkadot
but kazzie pull me sit down
i swear it was the most embarassing moment
leslie said i look kewt dont have to hide
and i ran off when kazzie loosen his grip

haha went to EXERCISE with them
i went dwnstairs happily in my skates
and i saw leslie alone with his bike
wl they sabo us
he's so kewt but no
and we rode to tiong park
he's reh sweet cuz he pulled me when i was tired

scolded kazzie for leaving me behind
then saw courtney
omg i ran up to her
and she offered me a job
go back to bal sch and teach the todds for her
one hour 8 bucks
teach 2 days a week for 2 hours

i hesistated but i took up the offer
besides i can lose weight
and spend time with the KEWT todds
and stretch my legs
so i need to remove my toe polish
and cut my nails
so they wouldnt chip when i point them
new leggings :S

and im bored now
cuz gab's not online
and everyone's replying reh slow
and im gonna skate tmr
yay me ^^V

but seriously phucked up
mummy hates me to bring my deck out
first soccer
next drums
now board
she nvr approves of what i like to do
her son's a guy
but she nvr nags when he's not even doing anything healthy
like 24/7 playing dota in lan
can help him grow better

enough of my rants
im so bored
my posts are getting longer day by day


i miss them

im strong enough to take this
its okay to be on my own
rehlly


P.S Leslie there's no harm trying
but you wouldnt succeed
i mean it

10:32 PM

arghh
im feeding myself
to the temptations!

and im using the computer
when i self imposed not to
urgh idiot me

anw school is boring as always
went over to gab's hse for tuition
bethany came :DDD
she damn funny we kept joking about
gab was controlling damn bad from getting pissed
haha
but in the i keep falling aslp
then i left them for their couple time

bused home
listening to FM static
(L)

wl and i didnt get to see transformers ystd
:(
kazzie say no more tix :(
but i had a great time stoning at leslie' hse
becuz they brought their frigging laptop to DOTA
idiots
and leslie taking out braces tmr
he call me go
:S

anw im veh proud of myself
i deleted
almost everything of that period of my history

one thing to scold is
i havent touched any revision yet
when prelims is frigging around the corner
:(


urghh
gotta really self impose more rules
yeh man
i can do it


invites for saturday
-skating with rini and co
-gig with monsie
-movies with kazzie and co
-study date with bethany and gab

wl
its not even the weekends yet
i already have to stress
which one to go
i think i'll end up staying home
feeling sad cuz i miss chester and the rest

i miss my bestfr
chestertan
when you gonna kill me with coke on gastric attacks again
i miss you like alot man:(


motivation to study
-ice cream trips with ah chek clement
- visits to domic from his brudder
-making them proud when they come out
-making my parents proud

10:06 PM
finish typing