look loser *points at the loser
and figured the reflection's me
im the one

went vivo with papa mummy and roy
they shopped for clothes
i kinda plastered a smile for them
i see cliques in the arcade
i dont even bother checking out
to see if Basil and co are around

then mummy felt sick
so we came home
but i didnt feel like staying home
i bused to plaza sing
i walked about
yeah
on my own

like some no life loser
all the bengxz starestare
and kazzie chased me
i played catching with his big clique
i just didnt wanna hang with them
the bengxz and lianxz

i daydreamed in front of the drums
and the guy intro-ed me the new set
i told him curtly im just looking around
aint buying a set
cant he tell
im ALONE

and i drank lotsa coke
and i bought mcflurry
and sat down outside on my own
watched some dance crew competition

and i bused home
went past the skatepark on the way
didnt bother stopping to catch up with the peeps

i didnt bring my phone either

and i made it back home
trip out on my own

kinda pathetic
but
i didnt think alot
being out was really refreshing
the presence of ppl around
though i dont know them
but its better off than to be alone in my room
where i start to miss them

i think i'll just get use being on my own
finding friends seems hard
and i dont need a boyfr to stand by me
so kazzie shld stop introducing me bengxz
i rather die than to date one

yeah i'll be fine
i should be

11:23 PM

i went to the market in the morning
with mummy and papa
i just had nowhere to go

im damn sad
im getting nowhere still

i want my friends back
i figured everyday i'll say this sentence

and im like some no life loser
asking about whose free to go play
yet kazzie keeps standing there
repeating he's there with his frs
and i firmly says NO, no.

hanging out with you guys WAS fun
but not now
becuz you guys are just happy
that domic is locked up

i miss the oldold times too
samuel and bernardette times
we all hanged out tgt
till left domic who formed the clique

i dont wanna get hyped up
and think i will be fine without friends
becuz if i cant do it at the end of the day
it will only bring more disappointment

i rather go about
and see whose free to go play
with a loser like me

im bored

okay i'll try going out on my own
i'll go back to the nearest/usually/shld be place
go check out the new arcade at tiong
go have ice cream in greatworld

yeah i'll be able to do it
get out on my own

12:54 PM

collect report book
joke man
papa wanted to see lim HA
but yeah it went well
i flunked subs it was expected

reached home changed
left for andri's parteh
i felt girly enough today
went to skate afterwards
reached the park open my bag and
SHIT
my skinnies at home

arghhh and it rained
so rini skated while i watched
and talked to some of the boys
best part was the weirdo
he stalked feb in the end
had to call kabot whatever his name is
and the other boys to shoo the weirdo off
haha hilarious they'r all so funny

yes i will bring my pants next time
so i wouldnt wear a skirt and sit there

and him
i saw him again
but he disappeared
oh well i'll see you again soon
eyecandy.

i felt sad when i saw ppl with their clique
i miss mine
domic lex peiling mathew hunwei chester
i need you guys back
:(

im on my own
thats a fact

or i can go steal apples and get caught
and join peiling in hostel

but i cant
i will work hard and when they come out
they be proud of me
i'll be girly to prove domic when he's out
that he doesnt have to fix my clothes
i'll prove to peiling i can dance like her
i'll prove to chester im a good girl
i'll prove to mathew i wouldnt date a skaterboy ever

i do anything for you guys to be let out
come back

i dont like to be on my own

glam on the outside
empty on the inside

loner with no life
signing off

i truly appreciate rini's presence
thanks for being there babe
skatefr/girlfr/sch cliquefr

mummy's happy im home "early"
i reached home at 10.30
she was surprised even
last time sat nights i reach home 2 or 3 plus
cuz i got no friends what
no more inc clique to hang out with

pathetic
very.

i dread to be on my own

10:55 PM

ystd i force myself to slp early
because i had nowhere to go
on a freaking friday night
i got no life
because i dont have friends now
:(

papa is my new bestfr
ystd afternoon he didnt work
he brought me go singtel walkwalk
see the new phones
then we went over to the skatepark
i skated and he watched
awhile later we went greatworld
bought andri's present
then we went for ice cream
came home rested
and he say lets go
so we went dwnstairs
he rode bike i skate

thats my dad and i
bonding time
and i was reh happy
because i had nowhere to go
and my dad brought me entertainment

going to sch later
to take report book
:S
flunked alot of subs
cant be bothered alr

going for andri's parteh later
then skate awhile with rini

seriously i feel damn sad
damn pathetic
i got no friends to go out with

fuck man
i shld go steal apple
then i call the cops myself
and smile while im handcuffed
then i wouldnt have to be on my own

but no thats stupid
i dont wanna do that

chester tan i hate you
you were my bestfr
you go without me prepared
all of your come back
get out of rtc and the homes

friday nights
used to be
void-deck nights

now my friday nights
i stare blankly out of the window

like some bloody no life loser


im a loner now

i miss every single one of you all
even though you guys cant see this
but i miss you guys alot
everywhere i go now
i get reminded of how we played before tgt
and i cry at night
when i think there's no one there for me to call out anymore
and no one to surprise me dwnstairs my blk aft sch


i dont like to be on my own
:(


visiting starts next month

8:28 AM

i want my friends back

haha what a joke
they wouldnt appear
no matter how much
i reach out
its air im grabbing
no more chester's shirt to let me pull
no more peiling's crazy singing
no more hunwei's sick jokes
no more domic's concern as a brudder
no more mathew's caring attention

school was boring
we played poker
i used picture cards to disguise
given some cyber wellness talk
bout blogging and etc
i slept through it


came home
was bout to go skate
mummy nagged
"you'r still sick"
no im not
i could had just walked out but no i stayed home
so i sulked at home
and fell aslp

when i woke up
she treated me so nicely

mummy you shld be happy
your daughter dont have those
shen jin bing friends you say always anymore
they'r G.O.N.E

and i complained during recess
i got no friends :(
after school i complained again

i feel damn sad for myself
some pathetic sore loser with no life
i dont have friends

i have school friends
but i want my outside friends
BACK

so do i wait 2 years for you to be let out chester?
you selfish
you call yourself my bestfr?
you leave me alone out here
and every night i continue to have insomia

longing for those days like last time
where we all meet up
slack
play

now
there's nothing


and my antibiotics never seem to finish

and i did something stupid today
i went to playback the memories
of
love

urgh pathetic

haha monsie scares mango
hilarious
im turning insane soon
im still able to laugh
im hiding it
hiding the fear
i dont like this feeling
alone on my own

10:10 PM

today i went sch
i laughed alot
more like i made them all laugh
with my half there not voice
i missed them

but every second
my mind wasnt there in class
it was elsewhere
my heart was with them
every single of them
i was thinking bout them
how they were
how long will the time be

school ended at 1
was about to text chester happily
and realised hey he wouldnt be there anymore
went macs with the clique
in the end
left me and michelle and rini
and i went home after that

i sat downstairs the block
after what seemed like forever
i returned home
mummy nagged bout my results
kept quiet bout it

im a luzzar with no life
i dont have friends to hang out with anymore
how great.

so that means im on my own now
go out on my own
and try to hold back my tears
before i can reach town's other end on my own

yes i have kazzie still
i just dont hang out with them like last time
i dont want to be like them

i want my friends back
i want INC clique back
but no its not gonna happen


i have two choices
make new friends
be a loner

10:24 PM

im still on mc today
though today i felt much better
total 7 days mc already
and this sickness brought me
nothing but attacks
at least i lost weight

went over to chester hse after dinner
he looked so tired
for once i looked at him
and realised
it will be sometime again before i see him
they'r going in for hearing tmr
i wished i can be there
auntie wouldnt be going
she said she given up

im just lost for words now
maybe soon i'll find back words
to describe what i feel now

and ks having chalet now
must be having fun drinking
im just not recovered enough to be there

im scared


nico's in hospital
overdosage of pills
silly boy did it out of stress
gotta visit him soon


one by one
everyone seems to be leaving me

im tired
unprepared still to face all these

10:27 PM

trickle 123 splats drop
pitter patter
hear it
my heart's crying

to hell with my exam scores
who cares bout it now

i went to sch today
and came home again
total adventure 15 mins
failure.

couldnt even stand for more than 10 mins
failure.

couldnt breathe after awhile
failure.

voicebox did unwind itself alil
one tick

talked to marsions
super big tick

imagine a call from your own bestfr
telling you the clique
that you were reliant on
am sorry for what they did
and are going in for a period of time

i laugh matter of fact i chuckled
thats one sign of insanity

is there any better publication of it

i lost it all

isnt it great

and what do you expect me to think or do
im not the judge
i cant warrant all of you
free to go

i am instead
being tied down
and will be haunted
im slam shut
case close
on my own

every single one of you
selfish.
have you even thought
what will happen to me

im feeling fear
im scared
you know i rely on the presence of you guys alot
more than what supposed to
so what now
you push me off the edge and tell me
there's no inflated cushion below

i cry
everyone says crying doesnt help
of course i know it wouldnt help
but i nvr hide my emotions
its a tiring thing to do

i talked to mummy bout scores
im taking one step out
i wouldnt give up
mummy you will stay on to see
my promise to you


im so scared
anyone who attacks me now
i'll fall
i dont have strength now
i have to rebuild

i carried alil hope
merely wishing i wouldnt lose it all
but i did
i doubt we be ever complete again

no use of lex coming back either


lost it all

i keep losing
every small thing
money
time
people

whats next


i need assurance
but there seems to be no one
no one whose there

10:35 PM

its gonna be a long post
its all my rants
i doubt anyone will finish reading
before clicking the sweetly X up there

hits the pedal, snare and cymbal 10 times
thats the own drumroll i have to beat
rolls out the dusty red carpet
thats the path i have to unroll weakly
steps out onto that square of cement
thats where and when
i welcome back myself
to
nobody.
lastly clap for myself
i pulled through the turmoil of it all


coming of almost one week of being sick
yes terrible sick
down with seem like what so ever kind of virus
and a tampered voicebox now
i barely am myself entirely still
but i can hardly wait anymore
i forced myself to stand up again


dont be surprised
i still cant stand or walk for too long
i'll feel alil faint
my lungs will give up on the coughing


this is karma
or punishment
for harming your own body
and yes michie very well learnt her lesson
she will therefore promise again
yes, again
she will cut down on drinking
really


to everyone who cared
or anyone out there even
thanks:)

of course there's loving ppl like mummy
kazzie and his grp of friends
thanks for running to my aid though i didnt faint:)
and my sch babes for showing concern

the rest very well
i have no comments
utter disapointment in certain
shall not mention names
but guess what


I LOST IT ALL


im laughing now
maybe this is what they call
insanity
after you lose something you find important

maybe i didnt lose it all
but it seemed like

i wonder how im gonna lead this june hols
what a joke
imagine ppl asking

Michie where's the INC clique
and i answer
oh they'r all locked behind jail

and if they ask then who are you with now
and i answer
myself.

isnt that the cherry on top of the cake
independence it shall be

tmr is the results of exams
im really meeting death
and i have 2 days of MC
or i could try something stupid
like escaping school
but who to go to
where to go to
thats reality
shot at me

pathetic isnt it
now i rather be sick longer
knowing there's no one
whose gonna really be there when im well


im suppose to think positive really
but all of this is turning negatively


to the little lying bitch/leech
bitching bout me when im not around?
oh no i wouldnt bitch bout you
that be quivalent to your low status
i'd WAIT for you to be bitched about:)
doing nothing is the sweetest payback?


the medicine's making me taste things bitter
and im waking up my senses
things are changing


i'll be fine
i HAVE to be fine
wouldnt and aint gonna be pulled down
no matter how hard it is
i never hide my tears
its not shameful to let out emotions

keeping it in is worse than letting it out


michie, you can do it


screw love
you got all the examples around you
wait for a guy?
oh he will never come
its better off
occupied with other stuff
he will come unexpectedly

afterall feb's shown another example
that guy was after sex
jerk


and i know its so canny
i hear and see his name everywhere still
but i merely laugh at his name
to think i'd cry the moment i think of him
and what a concidence
today's 3 months after the whole turmoil
not that i keep track
but i just check the date after mentioning bout him
and found out


Michie still wants to be wild
but just a lil cut down on it
:/



i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly
i'll do what it takes till i touch the sky
make a wish, take a chance
and break away
out of the darkness and into the sun
but i wouldnt forget the ones that i loved
i'll take a risk, take a chance
make a change and break away

10:06 PM

EFF FEVER
from sunday till today
every single day= living hell
threw up 10 times ystd

karma for harming my body
with exhaustion and alcohol

i dreamt bout jie one of the night
i missed her terribly
i die or not doesnt bother her anymore

mummy thanks for taking care of me
iloveyou

im half dead still
and peeps alr asking
bout the next drinking session
urghhhhhhhhh


i need to recover soon
so much things left to do
mon and tues take back papers
dooms day
friday meet the parents
second dooms day


god, heal meeee

9:20 PM

9:43 PM

im super annoyed

this laptop cant blog properly

im at benjamin kazzie's place

im isolating myself here

no one knows me here

its like a great escape

i thought.

but no im wrong

my thoughts are still with me D:

my blog's so saddistic

i wonder who actually

reads my shit out here

12:13 AM

home from gab's house
2 hours of sleep
super shag
but i hate to close my eyes
cuz i'll think

last night was effing high
reached east coast around 2 plus
this girl drunk at the bbq
started taking her top off
left her sports bra like WTF
i went to call her come down the table
she told me to fuck off
please uh, cannot drink then dont
somemore your friends dont even bother
damn saddening one okay

chester said leave it
she from other side one
okay whatever not like i didnt tried to stop her

they are super hardcorexz
gab's friends are like damn on
wouldnt drunk one
we drank like alot
then his friend think i sure drunk then compete
hilarious cuz we already one round alr
at henderson and that was second round
and they say i not healthy cuz my face nvr turn tomato

watch sunrise then go gab hse wash up
auntie was rather pissed
to see a big grp of drunkards
stumbling into her clean big house
went to macs after that
chester and his boys went off
gab's friend send me home

mummy's pissed with me
i dont bother alr
she's better off with a son
than a daughter like me


i think my life is screwed
again
just after i pick myself up from the break up
im returning to sec 2 life
i know its bad
but its addictive
besides i miss these big grp outings
i feel secured

i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me

i just wanna play
i need fun


going tampiness mall later
finally kazzie and co free to bring me go
been waiting for like really long
shld be tonning again
since there's no school tmr

11:26 AM

*#&@*^#*&#(%@^#%@#
phucked up
i had fever ystd night
was crying on the phone to bestfr
he fucking screwed like me
he didnt know what to do to help me
i didnt know what to do to help him either
went to sleep at 4 plus


woke up at 12 plus
stupid dream i have
but the rest wasnt enough
damn fatigue
started crying for no reason
mummy got pissed
she thinks its over some guy
urghhh im just emotional okay
i wouldnt kill myself uh mummy

wallow at home
till finally bestfr call
went henderson market
frigging idiots
his friends broke into shop and save's storage
took alot of vodka and beer

sober enough to know
drink so many times in a row
sure drunk one
so i tried
but i felt sick instead of drunk
*#^&*&*^@$*&#^$
just reached home
wanting to change and go east coast
told gab going his bbq one
and now is super freaking late alr
going for second round there

his stupid friend think i drunk
or dont understand dialect
say why i look so pekchek
like F uh
isnt it still the existence of
guys.

chester also dont wanna say much
he's in deep shit
who knows bestfriends like us
always get into deep shit tgt one
but mine easier to get out of
yours is harder


super shag




the
idiot
at
the
chalet.
he
really
reminds
me
of
someone
badly

12:27 AM

ystd was wild. fun.
met the boys before hand
went there for awhile before bbq start
then a bigger grp of boys came
and one of them caught my eyes
slacked abit and stuff

went to drink later on
my bacardi wasted luh
only left abit :(
and most of them damn lousy
cannot hold one, one mouth, tomato face already

T. the one that caught me off guard
he has braces
he has the wanted style
he has the character
he has the nice hair
was too fucking nice to me

he followed me when i was alone
warned me before offering me Chivas
walked to the bowling place with me
sat on the carousel with me
helped me to climb the side gate thats locked
walked alone in the park with me
and sat down to talk to me

i thought if he doesnt stop being nice
i'll fall
besides he's ks friend


to think he even hoped
that i'll find a good guy soon
so much bout everyone saying the same stuff
these words dont bring wonders anymore to me


thanks to the boys who was decent
i kept knocking against the bed frame
and i jerked awake for awhile
then i realised oh he has a girlfr
so much for being nice to me uh

ks and his boys left super early
i was really tired
so i slept somemore with the rest
then being so nice of them
they brought me to the bus stop
and even waited till the bus came
thanks so much

went to the skatepark
fucking cried when i saw the girls
didnt know why
just felt horrible after last night
to think superbabe said its sweet
your head peiling
sweet moments with someone
whose not your boyfr
is already wrong
its even worse
when he has a girlfr

i swear i felt damn pathetic
if i knew earlier i'll stay away
but he shouldnt had been that nice either



he's a like a eyecandy
that came into contact with me


enough of ystd


today sucked
i cried alot
had a fight with feb
but we okay alr now

taunted the plaza sing security guards
played catching with them
but one caught me offguard
cuz he suddenly jump in front of me
police come say go youth park
point also point wrong direction

slacked awhile then came home
frigging tired yet i dont feel like slping




Michie
hope you wake up tmr morning
and get over it

9:30 PM

IM VEH EXCITED
for the chalet later
i hope im able to socialise with the ppl
cuz i only know 2 souls there
i dont want to isolate myself with vodka like always
its time i meet new people already

i realised after the break up
i shut everyone out
i lost contact with the world i was in
even when gab ask me if i watched the latest movie
i said i dont know whats new in the theatres
which was pretty shocking to him
cuz we forever talking bout new movies one

im happy
im back in action now
the friends who tolerated all this while
thanks for everything
dont worry, michie's back in action
im gonna crash the world i live in now
like never before


and monsie told me
the story of a fake
who acts so strong on the outer shell
but cowardy inside
i feel sad for her actually
to think she's been such a bitch to us all
but still urghh nvm



okay michie's veh happy today
hypertart back in life




call me
i have fun now

11:05 AM

today exam finish
but i got no life
like nerd like that come home
cuz kazzie got prob need settle

so i went to the library
yes exam finish still go
no life uh
went to return books
wander about macs
went to the park to swing
walked home slowly

im veh excited tmr
cuz im going for ks chalet
^^
vodka


okayxz im veh excited


i got many outings soon
with ppl i hasnt seen for awhile
like thomas and friends wahaha
jerome and co also
gabby want organise chalet also

haha talking to leo recently
he's such an alien
freaking funny

10:50 PM

tmr's last paper
maths. FLUNK for sure
nothing gets in my head now

fuck you and them all
why didnt you defend
why did you let those stuff get to you
i know you'r someone good
but you went to join them
and im seeing you down the drain with them

to that little liar
you can go cover your face all you want
one day, you'll taste your own med
for being fake and for hurting others



damn it
it was seriously over
i dont think of you
or i chose not to

but
yet

you have to appear everywhere


i saw this somewhere
letting go isnt bout forgetting, not to think abt or ignore
its abt having the courage to accept change
and the strength to keep moving


i thought i did already
but actually sub consiously i havent
when the fuck can i get over it
i wish it can be done now


i have to tell myself
im not to cry over him
not now not ever again
and to go to bed the very moment
slp is my escapist to reality


and to you
your threat shall be nameless to me

11:44 PM

fuck you
you have no rights to call me a bitch
you dirty little liar
we saved your ass from your friends
and we barely know each other

to think i felt freed ystd
i dreamt about him in the morning
woke up feeling ill
and the dream was about happy times
urgh damn it man :S


studied, so tempting to go out
talked to this alien from roy's sch
supper funny guy
phoned peiling for like hours

tmr second last paper, FnN
then next is maths then
FINISH alr


dont uh michie
you know the consequences
arghhh gotta impose self warrant alr :(


you little faker
come messing with us
i'll give you all that you need
public commercial for YOU


i miss lexeous alr


its alright, i'll be okay
i'll show you

9:56 PM

last night was
hiao lotsa krazy fun disguzting time
hahahaha no one can recongise me
they must look at me awhile first
and nicholas thought i kazzie's new chick
hilarious all the commotions
they bet like no tmr like that
bengxz jiu shi bengxz

of course i didnt join in
the usual michie
spots for alcohol table
grabs one of many vodka
go one side and drinkkkkkk
and i cope one bottle home
yes a very naughty thing to do


went to bed at like 7 woke up at 11 plus
damn shag went to study FnN
then went to tiong
woah virtual land
i peep in its DRUMMANIA
dont know how long since i last drummed
cant wait to hit in with roy


met up with peiling^^V
buy slippers tgt
went to get pens and notebook
lurbxz eiiu worxz
she doesnt wear like lian anymore
happy for youuuu:))


happy for myself
talked to my babes
monsie got new deck:DDDD
mocha thanks for being there
we can all do it for sure:)



today my mind feels freed


so pathetic on cyber


domic dont want tu flen me
cuz i go out with kazzie
:(
wl one cousin, one's brudder
how can pull me apart like that
so selfish D:

12:33 AM

rawrr woke up not long ago
whole of last night damn sian
lucky kazziiis and his frs came over
play dress up
cuz im their present
to the annual (#*^$* bengxz gathering
at escape chalet there
kewlxz i hasnt seen them all since forever
gonna make them shock

kazzie you rawk man
turn the dress into a skirt
make me feel so failure
that im a girl yet idk how :(
but nehmind today we go shock them

not intending to reconcile with these bengxz
im just there to grab the vodka
hide myself and drink alllllllllllllll


but mummy wants to celebrate my belated BD
so going dinner with pa roy and mummy
go eat sakae, im alr veh fat :(
then later kazzie come pick me

hope i dont zao geng later
cuz i know sure alot of tiko one

haha i just realised
turning girly seemed almost impossible
to me at the start
till they found it possible
and bring me out to shock the past people



its alright its okay
im so much better on my own

6:16 PM

today's physics
did my very best
felt pretty good for a first time

paper ended early
decided to go to the park for a swing
but after 45 mins of waiting for the bus
i figured god didnt want me to go
so i went home

studied maths and fell aslp
woke up startled with vibration of phone
but no it was roy's phone
went to skate
ended up at the park swinging
sat about downstairs then came home

went to acc pa for supper
he seem to know everyone man



i can do better off alone
i'll just take it
that we played a silly game
you can go get a new barbie
for all i care
hope that doll will last longer than me
i know you'r not what you detest
but hanging out with them
makes you one sooner or later

1:43 AM

Sent lex off, no crying this time round
got him a Casio watch with chester
had so much to say
but the atmosphere damn dead

iloveyou lexxxxxxxxx
we'll continue our everyday session kay
your short stay passed in a blink of an eye
you'r the best present i got eh
thanks for everythingggg:)))
im missing you alr :(

one look at the frown on my face
lex was smart enough
to know without prying

when a r/s breaks apart
a girl will immediately question herself
was she not good enough for him
or did someone came in between them
all sorts of possibilities haunts her head
to think im still finding out
proves im fucking not over you still

this sucks:(
im trying already, and i do see improvements
but it seems like its not enough

ashamed of myself
allowing to be intimate with a stranger for 3 weeks
then back to where we started off again
(strangers, lovers, strangers)
who you trying to kid
by saying we'd stay as good friends
the fact only turned me invisible to you

you got over everything so fast
bet you didnt feel much pain
but i did hurt alot
afterall you were like a first love

but i've started to smile again
a start to being back
the michie, the hypertard
but you'r always triggered unexpectedly
your name appears everywhere
there are still mentions of you
i shld hide you deeper
since its impossible to delete you

time is the only cure

tmr's physic paper
flunked chem today
but its all gonna end soon
priya and nad got their deck:)

i miss skating with eunice
and i want to swing
and drink lotsa lotsa vodkaaaa



and after countless of times
that my friends shot me the truth
i refuse to accept
but today i have no choice
but to capture it




yes chester
i believe i can do way better


the posers in sch
i dont give a damn anymore
you can all hang out with them
everyone of you is fake

11:48 PM

2 days of MIA
alot happened in such a short time

im an idiot
i studied the wrong paper
thought geog came first but it was maths
stupid me really stupid

went to library to study
with LC and co
geez got a shock attack

dinner with lex and auntie pearlyn
lex is leaving tomorrow
it felt like ystd that he arrived
his short stay
was tremendous to me

babyboy be good when you'r gone
take care okay dont make me worry
im sure swine flu wouldnt be affected there
i'll pray for you okay
my friend im gonna miss you alot
telling you not to go was a joke
dont take it too seriously and feel bad
you've been an idiot here
but i still appreciate everything you did
rmb the 50% pact
half of us will always belong tgt okaayyy :)))

i hope i dont cry again
like the last time you left
yes i know the clique might disperse
everyone's leading different lives now
now that you'r gone
things might really turn that way
but dont worry
i'll always be here
waiting when you come back alright :)
bestfweiins 4everxzxz


that very moment
i was ready to give
you were ready to take
unluckily it wasnt a right time



exams suck
im gonna fail
i dont care anymore

i want vodka
and a swing on the swing

feb's birthday tmr!


that time you fly off
it was bridget's BD
you idiot always flying off
but i still choose to go to you
when im suppose to stay for others

proves how effing hiao you mean to me
you'r a friend, hard to find
in this chaotic 21st century

10:28 PM

:OOOOO
look at the time
im a really naughty girl
still up at this time
when there's exams tmr

oh well
im gonna burn midnight oil

todaytoday
i got ice cream with
baby rex the dino
at greatworld B&J
1 hour of relxation for me man
we sat like our own house

he got a tub of cherry garcia
and scoops of CHOC CHIP COOKIE DOUGH
for me ^^
thanks love
ahaha rex called everyone love now
the lians all got the wrong ideas though

he made up his mistakes
we'r fine now
but he's going off soon on thursday :(




and in order to make myself
not soften down at the mention of you
i think of something
that something is the driving force



michie found back herself again


amk tmr to meet nico
dinner with inc clique at greatworld

urghhh studyyy :(


tmr really cnt use com alr



steps on mango

11:46 PM

2:40 PM

all this while
i didnt want to accept the truth
but today it blasted in my face
i want to shoot that mango
till it falls and splats on the ground
to avenge for me and mocha

this morning was hideous
i finished the whole remaining BD cake
and pa brought back food
in less than an hour's time
he force me to eat everything also

geez pa i cried cuz i felt sat
im not suffering from depression
and pa depression patients do eat okay
stop thinking im starving myself
dont feel me wool im not a dolly!!!!
urghhhhhhh

and cousie thanks okay thanks
bring me go pizza hut
force crust down my throat
wonder how much pa pay you to baby/food sit me

studied more like daydream in my room today
soon exams over then i can fly
i feel so much better today

cuz i talk to my babes and idiots
they'r my medicine i need to consume everyday

swine flu is scary
god please save the world
:(

i pray for everyone to be fine
mummy recover soon

andand
:OOOOOOO
exams start tmr

shiat man

insufficient revision

MIA till friday

i need LUCK



mango face
someday you be in awe
and when you come running
wanting to be a friend of mine
i'll smash you into a juice blender



da ge got girlfr
all the best :))




michie's a happy girl today
cuz if i show pa im fine
he's surely gonna get me that
cheery black dunks and
slippers that got stolen


friends are forever

11:06 PM

mummy's sick
i pray for her to recover soon

stayed up late last night
talking to rini and nad
cried so hard my lungs hurt
went to slp without knowingly again

i lived in my room today
stone sleep study skate

finally at 10 i thought could sneak out
plans for vodka session with inc clique
got disrupted by pa
he knew i havent eaten the whole day
he insist to make me eat out with him
i went
there went my vodka for cure

im sorry for not being there LC
i'll get that guy i promise
he will pay for what he did

feb im sorry i cant be there for you
stay strong
we'll talk at 3 tonight
i'll be here with nad

i feel useless helpless
i cant be there for whoever that needs me
these were ppl who was there
to put up with all my crap
yet i cant be there physically for them



i pushed every possible thought of you
out of my head today
i need to build myself up somemore


lex
i much rather prefer you didnt come back

12:31 AM

went penin to get my board
sacrifice my black and red trucks
so i can top up for andri's bearings
went to the park next
was warming up to skate
cuz everybody stared at us like we'r freaks

i skated to the other end
and then back
and they couldnt stop themselves from saying his name
i turned, saw him, turned away
cursed myself as my eyes turned wet
i ran away to the stairs

rini brought him to me
we sat there in silence
i was holding back my tears
determined not to cry
i turned away becuz i know
i'll cry if i see his face so near again
my fingers trembled
i pretended to be busy with my phone
i broke the silence and walked back

i thought you didnt bother
but thanks for wishing me

i made 5 wishes and let go of the balloon
i couldnt control my tears
the moment i walked away from the park
crying while walking to plaza sing
like some stupid girl

went to plaza sing to meet LC
she put up with all my rants tears and everything
truly appreciated it
wanted to drum
but never got a chance

nad scolded him
called him immediately to apologize
he must be thinking
im some scary girl who couldnt get over him
and with weird friends that harass him
i shld had showed him i was fine
but i did my best
by holding back my tears when he was there
only to let it out when im gone
he shldnt had blamed himself for going
no one knew what will happened
im sorry for making things worse

i need to thank everyone
who really celebrated with me
and yet i had to worsen things by spoiling the atmosphere

and to whoever that laughed at me
cuz im a girl that skates
i hope you get born as a girl your next life


i thought i was over you
at least i didnt think of you that much anymore
but the sight of you today
sitting so near beside me
i felt helpless


i shldnt have been this useless
i will be fine
i wouldnt make you guilty
and the next time we meet
i be laughing tgt with you
till then i suppose






its gonna hurt when it heals too
but
it'll all get better in time
even though i really liked you
im gonna smile cuz i deserve to

i know time will heal it

since there's no more you and me
its time i let you go
so i can be free
and live how my life should be
no matter how hard it is

i'll be fine without you
yes i will


at 16 today
i should be strong

but keeping it in is worse than letting it out


dont worry im not a pyscho
i'll get over you soon
and thanks somehow
becuz if i havent been through all this
i wouldnt learnt the principles of life

11:52 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUZZAR
happy belated birthday now

on the phone with ks till 3
he made me smile after crying

which idiot cries before and on her birthday
me.
im the one.

went school
thank school babes for wishing me
and to the class
thanks for suprising me with the song

thanks to ks who cheered me up
and thanks to his friend jack for wishing me too

thanks to lex friend who wished me
today after school downstairs my block

thanks to jie who wished me
and i cried on the bus cuz i miss having her

thanks to benedict nad shannon
who wished me before my birthday

thanks to shanice for remembering
up till this age, <3

thanks to LC her gran and Tes
for letting me have a fun tuition

thanks to roy for wishing me
and i swear being such a nice brudder today

thanks to nico, BC, Gab, Leon
who wished me in the afternoon

thanks to INC CLIQUE
for the time spent at great world just now

thanks to mummy and papa
for the cake
for giving birth to me
for tolerating all my shiat

super thanks to AH CHEK
he's a real good friend i swear
thanks for putting me up all the time

thanks to eugene who promised a sweet 17
sabi and joeh who wished me on FB
leo who wished me online
kelvin who wished me online ystd night

thanks to everyone who
bothered
and
remembered

people who i thought will wish me
didnt
people who i thought wouldnt wish me
did

i didnt really have a happy day today
except when there was ppl's presence
its hollow and empty
tiring to hold back tears
but its not taboo to cry on birthdays isnt it


finally its over
there's no more excuse of being sad right
tmr im getting myself a deck
i should be happy.


the cherry on top of everything else
was
now i know which friend bothers and who doesnt

girls always wanted major sweet sixteen bash
i had the best time crying into my pillow
second best putting on a fake smile
third best throw up the vodka i received for present

im 16
its time to stop being a baby


im gonna find something
something that can make me happy for
like getting myself a new board
or i'll be stuck being sad forever

i wished for the hyper me to be back

im still building up myself
from the bad fall someone gave me
but i know i can do it

he's such a coward
i must have been blind

12:00 AM

look loser *points at the loser
and figured the reflection's me
im the one

went vivo with papa mummy and roy
they shopped for clothes
i kinda plastered a smile for them
i see cliques in the arcade
i dont even bother checking out
to see if Basil and co are around

then mummy felt sick
so we came home
but i didnt feel like staying home
i bused to plaza sing
i walked about
yeah
on my own

like some no life loser
all the bengxz starestare
and kazzie chased me
i played catching with his big clique
i just didnt wanna hang with them
the bengxz and lianxz

i daydreamed in front of the drums
and the guy intro-ed me the new set
i told him curtly im just looking around
aint buying a set
cant he tell
im ALONE

and i drank lotsa coke
and i bought mcflurry
and sat down outside on my own
watched some dance crew competition

and i bused home
went past the skatepark on the way
didnt bother stopping to catch up with the peeps

i didnt bring my phone either

and i made it back home
trip out on my own

kinda pathetic
but
i didnt think alot
being out was really refreshing
the presence of ppl around
though i dont know them
but its better off than to be alone in my room
where i start to miss them

i think i'll just get use being on my own
finding friends seems hard
and i dont need a boyfr to stand by me
so kazzie shld stop introducing me bengxz
i rather die than to date one

yeah i'll be fine
i should be

11:23 PM
finish typing