happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday happy birthday
happy birthday to me

i dont feel happy.
not one bit.
not at all.

im turning 16 in a moment

i cried just now
mummy says birthdays are
no big deals
and she doesnt want me to go out celebrate
i cried, she call me to go die

i feel hollower than hollow
its my birthday
i dont feel any happiness

yet i know
i have to go sch tmr
with a huge plastered smile

cut me up
its empty inside

the reasons aint cuz i cant celebrate
my birthdays were always plain
im long used
but there's just nothing
to be happy over

im a saddist
i suck man

i need to smack myself awake
i need to stop being a baby
becuz at age 16
i should be more matured

i thank those that stood by me
truly appreciate it


i wonder how it be like tmr

11:44 PM

i read this girl's blog
chester told me to go read
oh please im a shorty
call me all you want
i dont really give a damn
if you hate me knowing your outside friends
what makes me think i dont
im a bad taste to ppl?
what bout you? you taste delicious?
i doubt so
i'll nvr forget
you ruined my 14th birthday


im phucked up
i learnt a great big lesson
im nvr gonna do stupid thing like this
EVER AGAIN
im gonna "turn in" tmr

god am i given a chance
i promise i will not do it again
god i leave the rest in your hands

im too tired to care
i just realised i could do well for studies
and lead a great less stressful life
but i ruin it
stupid me

tmr is the day
its judgement day for me tmr
im going to hell
vodka + panadols
will definetly do the job

and i miss jie
i saw her today with some ew.
that person will never possess the power i have
to make jie laugh
when her tears are still wet on her face
im not worth for you anymore


i just want everything to end




once upon a time
at that moment
a little girl will be turning 16 the day after
but she's doubtful of hanging on till then
she wants to leave yet stay
she is helpless


i never thought of dying for real
till today
i dont want to either
but im sick of everything

i pray that god will lead me out of it
before i put the decision to actions

10:50 PM

sorry god
for being a really naughty girl today
i promise.

went sch and stuff
came home for dinner
went great world to lepak with inc clique
matthew came to the despair of lex
amazing show they put up for me
idiots.

Domic bought vodka to reward me
stupid brudder who rewards sister
when she did something wrong


my eyecandy at the park
wears cap ^^






once upon a time
a little girl thought bout dying again
everyone thinks her life is 'perfect'
but
the most 'perfect ppl' has the more 'imperfect' life
plus no ones perfect

9:57 PM

i felt like a pretty girl today

high waist
handbag
pointed shoes
fixed myself for once

went amk met up with nico etc
LC came along
went library to slack
then her boyfr came
went plaza sing
then came home

hollow.
open the shell
its empty inside

once upon a time
a little girl felt pretty
she understood how it feels to be pretty alr
but yet its the last time to play dress up
cuz the remaining days are into skating

until maybe. maybe someday sometime
someone will see through her invisibility and choose her
till then
will she dress up for every moment spent
on the one that chose her though she was invisible

exception on occassions
where she has to play dress up
to feed the expectations of people
like girlfriends or family

but if you peel her layer by layer
it will be proven
she wasnt trying to be an onion
but herself

because nothing else matters as much as that

10:42 PM

i'd love to kick all of them downhill
all the bastards i know
with no life in their life


aint meeting inc clique tmr
i need to study

i scared someone off ystd
but i dont give a damn
triggered my nerve on the topic of him

studying later with nico and his frs




Once upon a time
a little girl decided
being herself matters most than anything else

11:15 AM

couldnt go out today
but mummy was nice
went library saw darren and tes
hmm studied on my own
then papa came to fetch us to tiong
tiong seems really dead
mummy bought me shoes

came home after that
watched princess dairies

sometimes to be happy
it has to be forced on the outside
then it can be felt on the inside

studying out tmr


once upon a time
a little girl wants to stand up
and she's still trying

12:23 AM

ystd was stupid
i swear you'r such a bastard
game over lex
i dont give a damn anymore
go revert back to the style in sing
no one's stoppping you
go attract all the lians like last time
you'r having a great time right
we will just go back to how we were like before okay
you shld know what you did
so stop asking me why

mummy's driving me nuts
sch's driving me insane
im driving myself up the wall

LC is fine
frowning+fretting the whole evening
and her call totally brought life to my face

i want to go out tmr
but mummy says NO, stay home

but sunday she allows me to go study
okay weird

i made a pact with feb
we want to be winners at year end
or else have to payback


so much with the transformation
the clothes to wrap me up as a girly girl
its still the same inside me
i will rather, rather be like before
the girl who dressed how she wanted the world to know her in
without caring whether its girly or not


once upon a time
the little girl's really tired of her life
and she feels like ending it
but a friend of hers
saved her unexpectedly

11:51 PM

skipped chinese extra class
rushed to suntec from home
slacked with INC peeps awhile
baby lex brought me home

bus journey
he played magic into me

our secret
no one can tell if we dont tell

go get a phone pleasee


i feel empty
i cant rely on you too much
you wouldnt be here for long

11:15 PM

school was irritating
i was dying for it to end
went bugis with jo babe and LC
got my notebooks

went home bathe changed
fixed myself to be a girl
went domic's hse
ahah i shocked his brudder
went to airport met the rest
omg the whole clique like damn retarded
we went wrong terminal
and lex had no phone he borrowed a phone

idiottt, took him one full min
before he believes im michie, modified one
and it took me awhile to realise
oh thats lexeous the chao ah beng last time
now become what angmoh-ish alr

my babyboy grow up alr
so HAWT now huh
please dont revert back to the style in sing
so what if you'r here now
wear the clothes that make you look nice!!!

went to SPIZE for supper
lex acc me home:D
i just keep mouthing OMG to myself
im dead shiat all HW not done
physics test tmr
eh lex, i gonna flunk test for you man

okay alil awakard at the start
but we warmed up
ahahah
i want to spend every min with you
while you'r back

omg

11:11 PM

dozed off at english oral prac today
saw matthew on the way home
harhar what an ass
he's off to meet a new girl

talked to jo babe till 4 plus
went to sleep for awhile
geez she make me even more excited for tmr

okay 987654321!
MY BABYBOY IS COMING BACK TMR
LEXLEXLEXLEXLEXLEX
LEX is coming back tmr night
and the INC clique is going to fetch him
baby i've a surprise for you ^^
and im waiting to be surprised too :D


harhar i can live without a boyfr
unlike peiling whose waiting a girlfr now
i want to be independent for awhile
^^V

7:49 PM

papa just said
last time when a team MAN U players
flew in a plane over a small distance
it crashed and many of them died
so they bought new players
and roy had to close my mouth for me
:O its still opened though
omg X132892634897

went dinner and grocery shopping
i did my hair krazily
like what my clique babe taught me
haha and i have an inside story
bout 1 bengxz and 2 malays

there's sch tmr :S
and twin asked me to acs carnival
haha been bout 3 years since i last went
going only if she goes anw

i bombxz my bills again
due to the many stupid times
between fights and the breakup
stupid


Overdosed CHAOS!
Monsie
*Me
Supergirl
Peno
Mocha
Naz
Ijat
Caius
Bam
Faiz
Jude

10:59 PM

this post's for ystd
went to skate in the morning
suckiest sat at the park
so hot and boring
but we got to know new peeps
frigging kewl ppl like barry
whose gonna open a indoor skate place
went check out his online store too

hmm left park went tpy for burger king
trained to amk
what a damn coincidence
same cabin with the inline skate boys
haha the ones that nad dared me to go know
michie, rmb what you learnt uh

went to meet nico and megan
then later edwin his gf and friend came
left the arcade go library for aircon

came home to rot
was so proud that i stayed home
cuz its a sat night
but no it wasnt for long
domic called to say they'r downstairs
so i went down

10 mins later ended up at peiling's hse
with them fixing me to be a girl
cabbed to plaza sing
i know it was seriously childish
but without a thing to do i agreed
so me and peiling wearing prettaye stuff
strutted about with domic matthew and one big clique
we went to visit the old places
while the guys settled stuff
and the girls having staring competition
plain childish

went home around 3 plus
slept till 1 in the afternoon today
homework untouched
studying not done
shit me

lex if you dont come back
you'll miss out more
ahahaha threaten's the new cycle
rmb what you said to me

super long post
im just bored :(

Overdosed CHAOS!
we'll cover their mouth of awe

rofl matthew's not my boyfr
aly' s friend got punked

5:23 PM

im sick
i got block nose
im gonna get burnt on my skin tmr
i dont give a damn anymore
and my eyes are frigging tired


arghh my eyes hurt again
had a daughter-mum talk today
cried and talk stuff out
studied and doodle all over

last skate session tmr
till i get my own new deck
on my sweet 16
at least its something to look forward to
though that day might be alil *dead in the atmosphere
oh well but who cares
the real party's in oct, a belated one

michie you did it today
you controlled your thinking
and ppl still cares
like both cliques, others etc
yep make do without boyfrs
but not friends

Dead space of the overdose

alcohol's my true love
*drinks lesser now and then

im proud of myself today
^^V

you had the cheek to not even say anything
i seen through you

12:04 AM

zombie mode
went to sch
went to macs
went to tuition
came back home

a sudden moment
the mention of you
just alil not careful
the tears will fall

i still ask myself at times

was i not good enough
did i do something wrongly
why did i fall for you
why did you left
you created a presence
that was never given to me before
now that you'r gone
its so tough to face it

you gave me smiles
leading to love
adding up to distractions
integrated into heartaches
turning everything into pain
but you
you felt nothing


i did it for awhile
i showed everyone i did it
im over you
but did they know
it still hurts when its being mentioned

its like being stabbed consistently
every time i question myself
what exactly lead to all these


tonight, michie last time ever
no more crying over him
no matter what it takes
you have to hang in there
very soon
really soon
you wouldnt feel this pain anymore

10:46 PM

my hair got cut in school
left school to dawson plaza with LC
meet up with darren and tescelyn
woah sian i cannot stand the mushy atmosphere
so came home to study

went to skate awhile
sat down and thought alot
oh well the sky turned black so headed home


Note for myself
michie
you can do it
you did it today isnt it
dont be affected by things not worth
continue and keep it going
memories and songs haunts you
but flood your brain with studies okay
you can do it for sure
dont care bout the ppl around
you can stand on your own
okay if i tell myself i can, then
i can definitely do it

time to wake up now
stop being a baby oreadi
you'r turning 16 soon
you be a bigbig girl by then

11:14 PM

after sch went tiong with LC
went to swing
oh well i buried everything in the sand
its a true new start michie

i did it today
starting from sch
i didnt care bout anything else


my pair of invisible wings
letting me fly
giving me hope
through the colors of the wind
fly as high as the sky
as far as the wind blows

i know i can do it

12:12 AM

finally FnN execution's done
babes said my pasta and rice are nice
came home to nobody again
left house for a walk
ended up swinging in the park
saw gab, talked, walked me home

i woke up crying from the stupid dream
gave mummy a shock
when she returned home seeing me

oh well
i really need to get a grip
yes i know i can do it

anyway matt, you seriously shldnt
say abt those stuff anymore
or i'll flip sides

11:36 PM

im scared
i ran away
i screamed your name for help in silence
to think its your name i screamed
proves your presence still lingers
i want to hate you but i cant

im trembling
im scared
where's everybody that i need
i cant reach out to them
i bought the thought thats created
to make me feel better
but no it doesnt

its back
its coming back again
it took me such a long while
now its being reactivated

god give me a calm mind please
i need it bad really

10:43 PM

this post is for ystd
i was a real girl
went haji to shisha and everything
i keep tripping
the heels were killing my legs
swear wouldnt wear them again for ages to come
drank bacardi with coke etc

it feels hollow
even when you look so glam outside
its the insides that matters
its empty
your presence lingers even after you left

10:39 PM

battle of the heels today
gonna take off my usual sneakers for heels
yeah im gonna be a real girl today
heels dress etc;
yes i'll look like someone idk in front of the mirror
hope i dont trip and fall with the heels
or tear my dress again

oh well no skating today:(
slping over at babe's hse

im tired

i had a dream last night
i was waiting for a boyfr
but his friends all reach alr
then suddenly he reached
i cant rmb his face when i wake up *damn
he was wearing black berms black shirt
he's tall and his hair is so nicely styled
then the dream continue to the part
where i lost him and i panicked
then he came back and explain where he been to
then i woke up

now i said it, it wouldnt come true
besides the guy's face was really blurry

oh well
MICHIE WAKE UP
oreadi


^^V iie lurbxz eiiux ALL worxz
Inc Clique:))
Peiling
Chester
Hunwei
Dominique
Lexeous

11:06 AM

went queensway awhile
i swear he's the kewtest guy i ever seen with braces
even kewter than Mingyang
but whatever michie, you wouldnt get him
not like you can
rmb you'r back to singlehood for good
learnt your lesson already
so
wake uppppppppp


girls day tmr
going haji and stuff
wl i want to see alot of ppl
like those i hasnt seen for long
i feel like seeing each and every one of them
how much they changed etc;
but yeah dream on
they'r all busy brats


i'm gonna breathe slow
count from one to ten
with my eyes closed

GO! michie you can do it
you always can

just breathe


mummy getting me nike dunk 6.0
color: Black Cherry White
my fav colours:)))))))
*screams into my pillow
hurry 30th come quick
getting myself a new deck^^

11:14 PM

im V. annoyed
i study finish
gonna wear nicenice go out
couzzies come
now stuck at home
when everybody's in town
seriously annoyed man

guess i'll just bring at least 1 or 2 couzzie out
might be troublesome also
urghhhh

and gohpeiling you do that one more time
i swear i wouldnt talk to you again
its very stupid to do that you know :(

that time hope its not all for nothing at all
see larh its really for nothing at all
michie, you stupid girl

shiat man no drinking tmr night
mummy wants the money on jeans:(


the banglahs came to cut trees ystd
i lost my boiifwienn:(

5:00 PM

school was slack today
bused with hazil
haha we gossiped like 123456
came home changed watched tvee with mummy
she say we going shopping soon ^^

went to peiling's gran hse
damn fun we played with her new hamster
HammyTheodore

tuition with tes
haha we talked all the way
then the guy sitting in front also
damn retarded still say his eyes real
mine are real but tes say fake
haha okay i got pawnxz
cuz my eyes cant see the pupil one
like some goth doll
yuckxz

cant wait for saturday
though club thing cancelled:(
but still gonna have outing


if i turn back time
i be a bitch to you
so much for me being nice

lex's returning in 12 days

10:38 PM

sch was boring
i went sickbay to slp for 2 hours++
skipped chinese and came home
changed and lunched with domic, alyssa, her fr and matt
aha i made aly's friend really jealous
cuz we played a prank and lied im matt's girl
and she actually harbored a crush on him?
poor girl, you havent seen his wild side
and matt try touching me again
you'll find blood stained on my penknife idiot

LC say the club thing cancelled
I.PANICKED.
everything was planned already
gone down the drains
*sigh
nvm there be a next time

anw gotta thank my babe jo
she's like this medicine kit
when i need help she's always there

roy made me milo:0
how sweet but i hesitated before drinking
he's just being nice
cuz he wants ME to get him headphones
i'll try kay

aha guys are all the same
peiling dumped jason
and jacked him straight in the face
you go girl :D
i'll get my boifwen to find you a partner
only if he drops me an apple

im gonna curb my alcohol
not entirely but yeah
i want to be a good girl
but that doesnt mean
girls who drink= bad


13 more days to see LEXEOUS:D

11:10 PM

understandable only to certain:
Hello myboifwen,tree, you can be my 123456 love
you'r so tall, you stand out from others
you'r so green and plesant looking to the eyes
i'll never get tired from looking at you
its okay if you cant talk, express by dropping an apple
i promise i'll never forsake you
i'll water from my room's window with love
i hope your bestfwen, the street lamp last long with LC
becuz street lamp shines the brightest in the sky, isnt it



ran 2.4 woah couldnt breathe
went class to sleep
finally school ended
went queenstown with LC
geez i hate hate hate to even go past on the bus
but today i actually had to stand there
tahan all the disturbing stares

lols words that are said
cant be taken back
CMI i heard it out loud
what a luzzar

mummy scolded roy for over partying
was kinda scared cuz i havent tell her bout sat
but after asking she allowed
whoots havoc already

lex power pack of 100 kitkat
he say will send over by this sat
woah you really go all out this time huh
haha yes i love you alotmanymuch really
for being there always :)))))))))
kay 21 i go airport wait with INC clique:D


close my eyes
will hope its not for nothing at all

10:40 PM

back from lan
2 sessions of L4D
urghhh motion sickness :S
didnt bring my jacket
was urber cold while the sky drizzled outside

super last min thing
hopped onto the cab with hunwei peiling and domic
domic friends booked the whole vip
power pack boys :D

i got this feeling
like something bad's gonna happen tmr
i dont know why
i doubt i be able to sleep tonight
damn it

i rmb the last time when i was cold
someone held me close
and when it rained
he made me put on his hoodie
i dont want him back anymore
i just miss having someone there

barely a month to MYE

my life's a mess
i hasnt started packing yet

list of presents i need to get:
girlz stuff for jo babe
sweater for clement
girlz stuff for courtney
twilight for peiling
shoes for roysten teng
jared's nike topppp


shopping soonnnn

10:36 PM

my legs are in jelly form
tuesday's 2.4 sure die
and my cheeks are on fire
pink since last night

woke up at 8
lex called me
haha luzzar said he's coming in 2 weeks time
CONFIRMED! yay
then talk crap to me
haha he asked me what did i see in that guy
i said i dont know
then he told me the first time he asked
both answers is totally different
duh lex, before and after
its a major difference okay
and thanks for your shirt huh
i got it from auntie already:D

back to study mode soon

qiyuan says milk heals everything
okay i will try
besides i need a alien recover pill to heal
my eyes legs cheeks


oh and superbabe
i got you a pink beanie:)

9:43 AM

i like this circle of light
hmm went to skate today
left hse at 6
reached there all bombers say 6.30
i wait until sun come out all still havent come

finally went down the ramp
but i dont like going down
so went to practice the other curve one
made progress today
3/4 up the thing oreadi
didnt fall much but got cut when i stopped lil scott's board

went cine to eat with faiz nad all
faiz cant pronounce MIchie, he says its ITchy
damn joker

went shopping after that
i got a beanie finally
went to try heels
i wonder 11 how man, leg sure ache
jo is damn power man

sunburnt shoulders and face
super tired tmr need go family gathering
want to die already
i dont mind this hectic life
its keeps me occupied enough not to think

da ge finally returned me my moneyyyy
cuz he got paid :))
and his new girlfr is hot like nachos chips

lex is coming back soon
i cannot wait

10:04 PM

monsie came my hse after sch
to straighten her bangxz
left for tiong then she went home
go meet LC tes and darren and er kingston

i rushed down thinking i was late
then shit me i left my belt at home
ran to peiling ah ma hse
she threw me a skirt and i ran off
reach tiong toilet bloody hiao
the skirt was damn short
and so i kept pulling
i dont like the sch girls staring
and jillene likes my hair((:

went to swing
darren and tes loveydovey
urghhh me and LC ran off first

i frigging left my phone at somewhere else again
only realised on the bus
cabbed and this 2 girls picked it up for me
geez thanks for the good deed like ALOT :)

walked home with ice cream
freaking swearing at myself already
for chosing the path i walked with him
cursing even more at myself
when a grp of 24 ppl walk past
i literally looked away

dinner at home
went domic hse
webcam with lex :O
he grow taller AGAIN like he's not tall enough like that
:(
i miss you my bestboi/gayfwen :(

yay guess what
to avoid the guys that want to see things out tmr
we'r skating bloody hiao early
no we aint cowards for going this early
if we are cowards we be too scared to go at all
if we are attracting attention
we might as well go at night with all the ppl
so going in the morning with no one
is just plain girls time
nothing else i swear
maybe to others its a different perspective
but this are mine thoughts


you know its not like i want to talk to you
somehow i just felt like talking to you
and when i do talk to you
there's just nothing much to say
its so pathetic that we ran out of stuff to say
its like hard to even be ordinary friends
but even harder going back to being strangers
but uh whatever i dont feel like elaborating
since im thoroughly over you
not entirely exactly




11 april, my day

11:54 PM

went to sch
got foobagazillion of HW
im staying up to do
my insides feel hollow

went tuition
ahh see tes and lynette
obsessed over ppl they like
pretended i couldnt see/hear

this suck
i feel empty and blank

voracity for vodka


Marsions: im alil disappointed
i think i shld stop
cuz i didnt disappoint you only
but you disappointed me too
*sigh im shutting up abt you now
goodbye:(


its just a phase im going through now
so i'll know what to do the next time
i'll start off slow again to keep myself in check
so its alright Michie
i can do it still

ppl around with r/s problems
just dont think too much
dragging is painful

and cass i miss you
lex too

11:43 PM

i want you back, i need you
i still miss you and dont walk away
..........................................






oh well happy april fool's day
hope you truly believed what i typed
before knowing its to fool you.
But if you come back now
i be glad to fall into your embrace again
but i'll be the greatest fool
thats gonne be fooled by you once more

lols chester asked me to send that ^
to all my ex and shock them
you retard, im not a bitch like you
send to all your ex only make them cry
cuz they'r girls, mine are guys

school was tiring, really tiring
its april fools today
i got fooled countless time
with overwhelming thoughts in head
i keep forgetting today's april fools
so im the biggest fool today

hmm went to swing after school
peiling came running to hug me
thanks babe for acc-ing me(:
girls talk etc;

came home did HW
finally i drived away my stupid voice in my head
yay me(:
happy for myself

and monsie say
there's ppl's spreading word
that we skate early in the park
they want come see at how we are
its so retarded
whats so weird abt girls skating
stupid guys that look down on us
one day we'll be better
its just practice time devotion needed
RAWR

Marsion: i went back to planet A first
i'll see you through a bubble
today i heard ppl talking
asking me what happened
i kept away
i hope you'r doing fine in another planet
and today i didnt think that much
thats really a first step out
i hope you'r feeling better today
dont get too angry over ppl that aint worth


yay no exams on my birthday this year:)

10:45 PM

happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday happy birthday
happy birthday to me

i dont feel happy.
not one bit.
not at all.

im turning 16 in a moment

i cried just now
mummy says birthdays are
no big deals
and she doesnt want me to go out celebrate
i cried, she call me to go die

i feel hollower than hollow
its my birthday
i dont feel any happiness

yet i know
i have to go sch tmr
with a huge plastered smile

cut me up
its empty inside

the reasons aint cuz i cant celebrate
my birthdays were always plain
im long used
but there's just nothing
to be happy over

im a saddist
i suck man

i need to smack myself awake
i need to stop being a baby
becuz at age 16
i should be more matured

i thank those that stood by me
truly appreciate it


i wonder how it be like tmr

11:44 PM
finish typing